> Be me, 23, living alone in studio apartment that smells like last week's pizza and existential dread

> Be me, 23, living alone in studio apartment that smells like last week's pizza and existential dread
> Wake up at the crack of noon, stomach rumbling louder than my existential angst
> Decide to make breakfast because apparently, that's what functioning humans do
> Find some eggs. They're only a little expired. It's fine, right?
> Crack first egg into pan. It's black. The smell of decay fills the air
> Panic.exe
> Try another. It's normal. Crisis averted?
> Butter burns. Smoke alarm starts screaming like the void inside me
> Wave towel at it frantically, wondering if anything I do matters
> Egg is now charcoal. Great metaphor for my hopes and dreams
> Decide cereal is safer. Milk is chunky. Of course it is
> Sit down with bowl of dry cereal, contemplating the futility of existence
> Wonder if I'm the only real person in the universe. If my failed breakfast is just a simulation's way of messing with me
> Look out window. People look like NPCs, repeating the same routines. Are they real?
> The more I think, the less anything makes sense. Is my apartment real? Is my hunger just programmed?
> Fall into solipsistic spiral. If nothing's real, does it matter if I eat breakfast?
> Stare at wall. It stares back, or does it?
> Realize haven't blinked in minutes. Am I real? Are my failures just bits of code in an indifferent universe?
> Phone rings, shattering the silence. It's Mom. Wants to know if I'm eating well
> Hang up. Can't explain that my breakfast turned into an existential crisis
> Decide to order pizza. At least I know that's real. Or do I?
> Spend rest of day questioning reality, existence, and why I can't even make a simple breakfast
> Sleep, hoping I'll wake up in a reality where I can cook eggs without questioning the fabric of existence
> Spoiler: I don't

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Go ahead and delete this one, bud.

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    2inept2exist

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is gay

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I've already established that you don't exist, so frick off

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous
  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Please stop posting right after you microdose.

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I'm OP, therefore I am (gay)

  7. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Very nice!
    Thank you Mr. Chinaski

  8. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >babby's first existential crisis
    Just shop like an adult, maintain your fridge and pay attention to your eggs, then this won't happen

  9. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    go outside

  10. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    OP here, I'm trans btw

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      OP here again, i am a cooklet of weak constitution and my bloodline will not continue

  11. 3 weeks ago
    anon

    u r weak af OP try jerking off and fapping or something and call ur mom and dad tell them what u wrote here on this fibe establishment of a nessage board we call Culinaly u scammer and child abductor

  12. 3 weeks ago
    anon

    OP tries to talk to children 🙁

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    so, how would you feel if you had eaten breakfast today

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      But I did eat breakfast, why are you saying I didn't?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The joke's delivery was all wrong, it's: "Tell us how you really feel"

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Hey pal how many times do I need to tell you to stop it with the iq infographic shit

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Redditor here, can confirm this is the type of post people will screenshot and post on Reddit.

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This place has gotten fricking wierd...
    What happened to the days where we just argued about sloppa?

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You’re the worlds largest homosexual.

  16. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Great text, creation come from pain.
    > your Inner Monologue self review

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