confess

Mike Stoklasa's Worst Fan Shirt $21.68

A Conspiracy Theorist Is Talking Shirt $21.68

Mike Stoklasa's Worst Fan Shirt $21.68

  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I am going to drink maybe 1000 calories of vodka tonight.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I use jarlic. Frick off, the small taste difference is not woth the peeling and chopping.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Not worth taking 30 second to smash a clove is just pure laziness and that's ok. Enjoy your jarlic. as for me, I really have no idea, I guess I'm an angel in the kitchen.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        based and correct opinion. i just use more than what it calls for

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        My only experience with jarlic is that the kind I buy tastes of vinegar or something sour/acidic, so I only use it if I'm making a sour/acidic dish in the first place.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Pic related is a game changer. Literally 0 taste difference between this and fresh garlic.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >80g
          Yeah that's not gonna cut it until they sell it to me in 1kg jars

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            It’s 20 cloves of garlic. Jarlic is mostly water by volume.

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              >it's 20 cloves of garlic.
              so about 1-2 bulbs? yeah that shit would get used up on the garlic bread alone. you're a brainless consumer

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Bullshit.

          You know you can buy peeled garlic?

          And even peeled garlic doesn't have the same aroma and flavor as freshly-peeled. I assure you. It's better than the chopped and brined shit, but do the comparison. NOTHING comes close to the strength and depth of freshly-peeled garlic. If you're using it near the end of a dish's creation, it absolutely pays to use fresh. If you're making a chili or something else it's gonna get cooked down and lost in, take whatever shortcuts you want. Something like Caesar salad definitely benefits from the freshest possible bulbs.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Glen Danzig is a strange man.

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              he’s right

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        You know you can buy peeled garlic?

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >peeled garlic
          Grown in delicious Chinese radio-dirt. Yum!

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        REPENT SINNER

        i ate a whole bag of wasabi peas and now my stummy hurt 🙁

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      That not even 10 shots pussy boy

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Something about alcohol calories have to be different.
      I regularly drink 6-8 shots worth of vodka on friday and saturday each and I haven't gained any weight. I also still look cut the next couple of days.
      I do only sugar free mixers on that of that so I'm not loading up on calories from other junk.

      I found out there are extra calories in fat for both burgers and fries. I should've known 400 cals was too good to be true

      What do you mean? Are you looking at fast food calories or making your own burger/fries calories?

      i've eaten doordash on average 5 days/week for the past 4 years. total is anywhere from $40-$100 each day. i have eggs in the fridge that are 6 months old from the last time i cooked. i hate it

      How the frick do you afford this?!

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >Something about alcohol calories have to be different.
        Trust me, next to nothing is understood about the human body. Anyone saying otherwise is either on a payroll or is a useful idiot.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >Something about alcohol calories have to be different.
        basically: alcohol calories are processed right away. if you take a shot of vodka that is ~125 calories on an empty stomach, after ~2 hours you will have lost net calories due to the calories burned metabolizing it. this is contrasted to drinking beer that also has carbs in it. those carbs just hang out until the alcohol has finished being metabolized before they are. add in a frickton of beer and shitty fast food and you can see how it's easy to balloon

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I steal Chipotle orders.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      just walk up and take one?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Yep, flip thru them like you're looking for your name, then skeedaddle. Can't do it at the same chip too often, and pick not too busy times. If you're the only one walking thru the door, you're almost certainly golden.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          When I order Taco Bell I pick it up in store so I can take as much hot sauce as I want and also get a drink refill. I know this is the risk I take when I order like that though lol

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            The employees don’t give a frick my man. You’re not really doing anything dangerous kek and if you ran across that one dude who actually does care, he’ll just ask you to stop, and if you continue they’ll ask you to leave the store

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I haven't eaten in 37 days and here I am shitposting. In fact, the only time I browse Culinaly is when fasting.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      digits, checkum

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      okay, Jesus

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Tempted by the devil atm.
        Yes, I'm planning to quit at 40. That's relatively safe.

        [...]
        Fat people have fasted for over a year, successfully
        The average healthy person can go 7 weeks without eating
        Fasts don't necessarily mean not eating entirely, just at a caloric deficit

        That dude who did over a year did gobble up some yeast extract though. I'm going all multivitamin, electrolytes and water which causes to some muscle loss. For safety, one has to assume the muscle shrinkage doesn't discriminate if it's heart or not.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I did 40 days once for Lent, one cup of cooked rice at sunset, normal meals on Sundays
          After a couple of weeks everyone told me I looked great
          By the end my friends were worried I had cancer or something, told me to go to the doc

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Lent is coming up soon.. I really want to try this. Besides losing weight did you feel like it helped you appreciate the lenten season/strengthen your faith?

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              It opened my eyes to loss and suffering and I ended up giving away a ton of money I wasn't spending on food to homeless people
              Yeah
              It's really hard on your body it's not an every year thing, more like a once or twice thing
              You are only supposed to do a black fast if you are healthy and not a laborer, if you get sick, you should eat, and try to eat on Sundays normally
              That's actually the hard part, your stomach shrinks and eating becomes difficult

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                That's really solid advice. I'm glad it helped you grow in that way, I am sure all of heaven celebrates that.
                I work from home and am healthy so I may do it. I have two kids that I take care of every day though so I may have to modify just a little bit to help me keep up with them.
                The stomach shrinking part is understandable. Seems like a really good way to curb gluttony.

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              It was 2nd Sunday of Lent yesterday. That said, it’s never too late to fast and lift your heart up to the Lord.

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                were a couple weeks in bro...

                >wester

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              were a couple weeks in bro...

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              For lent, I stop drinking alcohol and switch to smoking blunts

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                Jah, man!

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >I fasted for 40 days once
            >actually I was eating rice every day
            >actually I just ate normal shit every sunday

            cool so you fasted for 0 days once? thanks for the clarification

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Just have a quick nibble, you might as well. It's all coming to an end anyway. No one would blame you. Just piece of fruit, maybe a handful of chips. Hey, I could make you a sandwich. Doesn't that sound good bro? You can trust me

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Nice, I'm at day 28 of my water fast, less than 20 calories a day. God it's boring, but it certainly works

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Good luck!

        How many wet farts?
        Have you fainted?

        Psychology is a b***h. It seems, no matter how long the fast, once the set goal is nearing, the last 3 days or so are pain.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Haven't fainted since I consume some salt by either sipping a tiny bit of soy sauce, or just some table salt.
          No wet farts really, but I still shit once every 2 days. My original goal was 111 days, but we'll see

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    One time I didn't have any food so I just ate a bag of flour

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I used to do cardio, lift and diet.
    I started smoking again and eating sweets. Its a pleasure of mine to drink soda, eat sweets and smoke.
    Im gonna stop tommorow, but I dont think im gonna exercise too soon.
    Im kinda depressed as I go through some tough shit right now, got a lot of shit in my mind.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Start with doing a walk. Low impact and better than nothing

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Nothing wrong with using a crutch, when you're hurting, but throw'em away, once you feel better.

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I ate 5 Klondike bars in the past 48 hours.

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    When I binge once a week its to watch korean dramas

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    One time. I ate a lot of ice.

  9. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    Fat people have fasted for over a year, successfully
    The average healthy person can go 7 weeks without eating
    Fasts don't necessarily mean not eating entirely, just at a caloric deficit

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Fasts don't necessarily mean not eating entirely, just at a caloric deficit
      Kek, that's not a fast that's called a diet stupid

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Then you do it, 40 days, one cup of cooked grains at sunset six days a week, 3 normal meals a day one day a week

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          nta, but I'm already on day 31 of a water diet. You just need willpower

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            I did it, I didn't need to lose weight, and I don't need to lose weight currently
            I'm actually working on gaining weight

  10. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Today, I ate a double egg on english muffin sandwich with cheese, a few ounces of beef jerky, a handpie with a glass of milk, a small bowl of leftover stirfry/rice, and a large square of baked ziti with a coke zero. and I'll probably have a snack cake soon as a night cap.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      That doesn't sound like you even consider it a sin. It's only confession if you somehow reneged or broke your diet. You forgot to include that part. It's just a list of shit you ate.

  11. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I have eaten squashed together raw oatmeal, maple syrup, peanut butter, and cocoa powder for breakfast most of the week for the past 4 years.

  12. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Today I ate a 5 chicken finger plate with extra fries and a large sweet tea for lunch. My defense is that I did manual labor for 6 hours. My repentance is that I'm too tired to eat dinner so I ate 3 mandarin oranges. Ty for reading my blog.

  13. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I fricking hate gyros and souvlaki, not because they taste bad, but because they're literal street food that manages to steal popularity from actual great greek dishes like spentsofai, stifado and flaouna.
    I also despise morons who think burgers are the end-all-be-all of American cuisine. Again, love me a good burger, but I hate it when that good burger overshadows kino American dishes.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      what sin are you even confessing?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      that sausage shit just looks like Bandari

  14. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    yesterday I ate dinner with my best friend at his parent's house. they made burgers, beans, and had chips.
    I put the beans on my burger.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >I put the beans on my burger.
      what's wrong with that?

  15. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I found out there are extra calories in fat for both burgers and fries. I should've known 400 cals was too good to be true

  16. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    i sometimes drizzle heavy cream on iced cream.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I do it with milk
      way better with some liquid at the bottom of the bowl to start
      cream might be a little too much for me, but half and half would be nice

      I've been mainly eating 7/11 Sandwiches and chips for the past week or so. My mom makes me too much food, and, I'm up in the night and asleep in the day now. I've lost 16 pounds so far, and I still got a ways to go.

      doesn't mommy ask why you don't eat her vittles like you once did

      I bought short ribs the other day and was excited to cook them, took them out of the package and they looked like shit, just really poorly cut and a lot of gristle and bone, very little decent meat. I tried cooking them up but they were so shitty that I stopped caring halfway through. I know they'll taste like shit now, so they've been in my fridge for 3 days. I should just throw them out.

      you'll be manic soon enough, toss em in the freezer

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >doesn't mommy ask why you don't eat her vittles like you once did
        yeah, she knows i've been losing weight so she doesn't bother me too much about it

  17. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I've been mainly eating 7/11 Sandwiches and chips for the past week or so. My mom makes me too much food, and, I'm up in the night and asleep in the day now. I've lost 16 pounds so far, and I still got a ways to go.

  18. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I bought short ribs the other day and was excited to cook them, took them out of the package and they looked like shit, just really poorly cut and a lot of gristle and bone, very little decent meat. I tried cooking them up but they were so shitty that I stopped caring halfway through. I know they'll taste like shit now, so they've been in my fridge for 3 days. I should just throw them out.

  19. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I once spent over 80 euros on myself at a seafood restaurant in Barcelona. The couple sitting next to me had a combined total of 60.

  20. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    my upper front teeth are FRICKED

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Mine are worse, my right canine is sticking out at a weird angle so it always pokes out from between my lips when I smile.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I'm not the other guy but on top I have a a bridge for the back 4 teeth, then missing up to the left canine. In place of that canine is a metal post. Next 4 teeth are fine and the rest are missing on the upper right with two screws waiting to be replaced by my other implant. My bottom teeth are intact except for the last back molars. They are crowned and resculpted because I had ground them down to stumps

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        hot

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          gay

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      mine are also having the bottom edge getting a pitted surface, i think it's probably from vaping

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        nah, you grind your teeth while sleeping. Limit your caffiene or wear a nightguard. Will also stop the 'tooth dreams'

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >'tooth dreams'
          those are the absolute fricking worst. i'll take straight up nightmares of my entire family dying over all my teeth falling out

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >Will also stop the 'tooth dreams'
          Has anyone else ever woken up from a dream biting their arm? It happened to me for the first time last week and left and awful bruise and bitemarks. I've woken up biting my pillow before, but never my own body.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Has anyone else ever woken up from a dream biting their arm?
            Be glad you've never woken up from biting on your own penis.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >Has anyone else ever woken up from a dream biting their arm
            nope

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        it can frick with you gumline and enamel im pretty sure. with squeaky clean fresh teeth and a scrubbed tongue my teeth ache in pain with too huge of a nicotine hit. as the other anon replied it's most likely from teeth grinding, my dentist mentioned it looks like I do that often.

  21. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I hate myself so I'll regularly binge eat thousands of calories in a single sitting to eat my sadness away, and then I'll stick my fingers down my throat to get rid of all those calories because I feel so disgusted with myself for eating that much food.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      That's really, really gonna do a number on your teeth, anon. You've got to stop that immediately.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      i do the same daily and now my throat has a huge ulcer and im still puking and it HURTS

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Just go to the gym if you need to let loose your self-hatred while also being able to eat lots of food.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        once again, exercise does not work for weight loss.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          fat hands typed this. 80% diet 20% exercise but if you don’t spend calories your body will just dump it all into fat. atleast if youre exercising body composition won’t be so skewed

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            >80% diet 20% exercise
            so you admit that your advice is shit?

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              >im a disingenuous morono
              20% is still better than 0%. it’s not great but batting .200 ain’t bad

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                I'm not saying that exercise is useless or anything, on the contrary, but it doesnt fix the underlying cause of obesity: unhealthy relationship with food. Obesity is an psychological issue and it needs to be treated as such. Weight gain is just a symptom. This is why your advice is crap in the context of the comment you were replying, they need fricking therapy asap, exercise can come later when the underlying issues were addressed and treated.

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                or ignore the causes and keep working out until it you work out enough to get over it or become a gay with even worse body dysmorphia in the other direction

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                working out not only helps deal with calorie defeciet but improves self esteem, self control, discipline, provides entertainment, etc
                talking to a fatty to convince them to just eat less is way less effective then getting them on an exercise regimine that will change their psychology indirectly
                frickin gay

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Unless you're doing Michael Phelps levels of exercise, it's unlikely you'll burn enough calories to be able to binge as much as you want.

  22. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I made a homemade chocolate spread out of avocados, coco powder, honey, and coconut oil. I shared a lot of it with my spouse but I ate about a cup of it by myself last night since that was all that was left. I have had non stop gas and stomach aches. It was completely worth it.

  23. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I always crowd the pan. ALWAYS

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Hell yeah. Me too.

  24. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    ever since getting a job i've been really lazy with cooking food in bulk to save money and now am spending a ton of money on premade food each day

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      that's what they want

  25. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I have never abided by the serving size suggestions for potato chips.
    It says 8 servings, but c'mon, it's really only two at best.

  26. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I was going to cook hot wings tonight for dinner but i bit the shit out of my lip last night like a moron so now i won't be able to eat them.

  27. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    i ate a pound of premium chocolates on valentines day. drank two bottles of wine too. top shelf. it was a good day no regrets.

  28. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I ate two grapes

  29. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    When I weighted 330 pounds, on way home from wokr I would stop at a chinese and get some general tso's chicken combo. Eat it in my car and then go home and eat dinner.

    Total glutton

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Total glutton
      Probably depression, anon. Hope you get/got treatment
      >booba
      Very nice

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        no treatment, but I'm now 190 pounds.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          what's your skin situation like?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      what a slampig

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        you're moronic

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          why

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Life must be so easy when you look like this, or look like the guys that frick this.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I mean it's easy until you stop looking like a young busty sex demon that every man wants to treat and impress. If she uses it to snag a rich average tier betabuxx, then she will have made it for life. But if she wastes time and lets her genetic gift fade without a betabuxx, it's over for her. She will have to settle for a poorer, less desirable betabuxx, a soul crushing compromise and reminder of wasted potential for the rest of her life. I wish her the best of luck in locking down a 6 figure meek Brad.

  30. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Just ate a full camembert. It was good.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous
    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >t. Ebichu

  31. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I cook most of my food at random hours instead of cooking it before mealtime so I have to reheat it when it's time for lunch or dinner.

    I think the only exception is stuff like eggs that can't be reheated without ruining them.

  32. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Sometimes I get the urge to order two 32cm pizzas and eat them in one sitting

  33. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I hate egg whites so much but I refuse to make sunnyside up because I can't stand uncooked whites touching my yolk, so I cook over easy and just dip my toast in the yolk

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Why don't you just buy egg yolks then?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        because i just want to dip my toast in them; i'm averse to like unnecessarily packaged and processed stuff too idk

  34. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I only floss when I eat pork ribs.
    I only buy pork ribs when they're on sale.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      therefore, you only floss when pork ribs are on sale

  35. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    i've eaten doordash on average 5 days/week for the past 4 years. total is anywhere from $40-$100 each day. i have eggs in the fridge that are 6 months old from the last time i cooked. i hate it

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >over $10k/year on DoorDash
      Alpha as frick

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Is your problem math or reading comprehension?

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Ho, shit, I did the math
          >52*5*~70
          >$18,550
          That's like a new decent motorcycle, gaming PC, and gaming laptop, every year, for four years in a row
          Wait
          >18,550*4
          >$72,800
          This homie ate an Audi A7

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            pls don't remind me

            • 2 months ago
              Anonymous

              Good news, vro, this is the right place to learn to cook
              What do you know already?

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                i can cook plenty of things, i've just never gotten out of the slump that the lockdowns put me in.

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                So change a different part of your life
                I get it, believe me
                Take up a big hobby like hunting, or get some dance lessons, smash up your routine
                Just don't get into something moronic like MMOs or gambling, you want something that will change your eating habits and spending habits
                Even if all you eat is fried eggs and rice and beans because you're busy doing other shit, you won't be door-dashing your life away

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                yeah i know, i need a hobby (aside from drinking). working from home is great but also a bit soul-crushing since you don't have the daily impetus to leave your house anymore

              • 2 months ago
                Anonymous

                Trust me man I was there. Watching the days tick by as you stare at a screen. You gotta grab yourself by the balls and be brave even if it's uncomfortable. What helped me was going hiking, but you can replace that with any old bullshit. It all depends on you brother.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Apparently they're your problems

          $40 order (minimum size)
          5 days/week
          52 weeks in a year

          40*5*52 = $10,400

          why are you so defensive of being scammed by DoorDash? Do they pay you to post here or are you just so insecure that you also can't control your moronic habits?

          I'm not the one spending $10k+ a year on DoorDash, dummy

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        why are you so defensive of being scammed by DoorDash? Do they pay you to post here or are you just so insecure that you also can't control your moronic habits?

  36. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    ever since i got a girlfriend i order food 4 days a week

  37. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I feel like a tard keeping food containers
    it's getting out of control
    also I won't think twice about eating using some food that fell on the floor
    I like leftovers that have been left at room temp better than put in the icebox ha

  38. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I eat and enjoy frozen food.

  39. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'm 31 years old, don't cook, and don't eat vegetables besides little bits in soup or whatever

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >I'll be dead by age 40
      Good luck, fren.

  40. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I fell for the psyop Bacon King thread on here a few days ago and it's been stuck in my head the entire time and I finally caved today

  41. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I posted my stomach on fit

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Sometimes I just post myself looking as fricked as possible to see them all freak out

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        LOL WDYM FRICKED AS POSSIBLE

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Like normally I’m pretty presentable but I’ll make myself look as ungroomed as possible, find my most stained/about-to-be-tossed clothes, take my sheets off the mattress, scatter some trash out of the can, stand like I have no bones looking defeated and then post it with some nonsense phrase
          It almost always hits bump limit with people playing savior
          Then I put the sheets back on — actually it’s usually when I’m washing my sheets — and go about my day as a normal bathing person with muscle tone

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            thats so funny im gonna go on fit every singe DAY in the chance i c this

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            this is the most homosexualiest post I've ever seen any where

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Didn't happen but ok

  42. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I ate some carbs this week and didn't spit them out. Couldn't resist a bite of pizza and a bite of mac and cheese. It's hell cooking awesome food from scratch while maintaining a specific diet.

    I've learned my lesson though. What's my penance, Father?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Do you have Celiac's or something?

  43. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Sometimes I eat plain white rice drowned in Kikkoman low sodium soy sauce just for the soy sauce flavor.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Asians do this all the time, why is this a bad thing?

  44. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I haven't done the dishes in more than a week

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      You too got a dishwasher?

  45. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I've lost 10 pounds this month and I think I want to lose another 10 next month

  46. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I’m too tired to cook but I can’t decide what genre to get on doordash so I’m just going to sit around until I’m too tired to eat and fall asleep

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >so I’m just going to sit around until I’m too tired to eat and fall asleep
      That's not a confession that's a good thing. The only thing you need to confess for is being stupid.

  47. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Open jar
    Into mouth

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      why

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        NTA, those are tasty and crunchy
        Not different AT ALL from eating potato chips

  48. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Honestly I don't see the point of most cooking. It all tastes the same in your mouth, so why bother with all the fuss of making it look good? Just cook the ingredient, unload your seasonings on top, and blend it so you can at least eat it with minimum fuss.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Which South American country are you from?

  49. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Was getting some drumsticks ready to marinade over night in a bag but I massaged them a little too hard and one fell out onto my floor. Not wanting to let it go to waste and since I was going to be baking it tomorrow anyway I plucked the hair off of it and threw it back in the bag. I am now going to let it sit overnight.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      you should just rinse it off in the sink and put it back with the others, then bust a quick little 30 second kitchen sweep with the broom

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I did not do any of that, instead I baked the chicken the next day and ate that piece first. I am still alive so all's well that ends well.

  50. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    whenever i make my wife and i bowls on ice cream I put more in mine then eat it to look even by the time I make it to the couch to look even

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      ESL or fricking moronic?

  51. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I've eaten a small bag of dried apricots every night for the last 5 nights. My bowels are assuredly empty, as the perpetual smell in my bathroom can attest.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Try banana chips. It's like colonoscopy prep.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        I still remember the first time I used magnesium citrate to clear out my system. If banana chips are like that in large amounts, then I don't know if I'm strong enough to attempt it.

  52. 2 months ago
    Anonymous
  53. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >fast all day because I need to get in shape fast
    >10PM hits
    >"i can have something light to keep the wolf from the door"
    >see my girlfriends brought snacks
    >eat an entire share-bag of flaming hot wotsits and a whole bag of custard-filled doughnuts
    >access the damage
    >2700 calories
    Spent the whole day starving and light-headed and came out worse than if I'd just eaten normally

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      You have at least 30k calories on your gut. Just "eat" that. The hunger pangs come from low blood sugar and not burning ketone, not because you're actually hungry

  54. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    why dont you fats just donate your weight to us skeletors. Ive been stuck at 125 pounds for over 20 years

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      what’s your height

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        5'11
        im just bones

  55. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I drink dirt cheap polish vodka every single day

  56. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I love burgers

  57. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I made a pot pie the other day. I absolutely fricked up the pie crust so badly. The chunks of butter in it were too big so when it baked I just had pools of butter leaking everywhere. Ironically it worked out okay because the crust was incredibly crispy instead of crumbly so an entire slice came out very easy. I ended up eating it as a very large buttery club cracker with my pot pie filling

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      lesson learned for next time. glad it still tasted good though

  58. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    > last saturday was my cheat meal
    > I ate an entire big pizza by myself + some cheese bread

    That already ruined the week of dieting and exercise, but god, it's an stressful time at work and food it's the only good cope I have for those moments.

  59. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I tried to cook foods into small. It doesn't workm I don't know how to do it.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      what are you even talking about?

  60. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    about once a week, I'll mash a tin of deenz in a bowl with a quarter of a minced onion and a dollop of mustard and scoop it with crackers for dinner.

  61. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I like chicken liver more than regular chicken meat

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      That's pretty alpha

  62. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I cooked mushrooms in water, But i have more than 5 acrive threads so I can't post about it

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >I cooked mushrooms in water
      >5 active threads
      Not sure which is worse

  63. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I made a big mistake followed the advice of someone on Culinaly to bake cheddar cheese in a muffin tin to make cheddar cheese crisps, now i have cheese molecularly bonded to my muffin tin

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      How did you expect to get them out? Use a baking sheet next time.

  64. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I drank 1500ml of vodka over the last 2 days.
    It took like 26hrs after i stopped drinking to reach 0% BAC lmao the panic attacks were fun

  65. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I don’t care for rice

  66. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Too miserable-feeling to keep down my homemade MSG'd garlic mashed potatoes and not-homemade ginger ale.
    Unfortunately the former will probably go to waste as I like it less as leftovers.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Unfortunately the former will probably go to waste as I like it less as leftovers.
      Make potato cakes or use it to make potato bread.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >potato cakes
        Never considered that, will do next time.

  67. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I only scanned 2 of the 3 bottles of kefir I bought today at self checkout

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      If it was from Whole Foods, then based. Frick that place. Though making your own is ridiculously easy so no excuse there.

  68. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Ordered and picked up crumbl cookies tonight. Not even a woman in the household, they’re for me.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Not even a woman in the household
      >crumbl cookies
      I've got news for you anon

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Alpha as frick

  69. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    More often than not I want to go back to being single do I can afford alcohol again. It gets frustrating watching my spouse spend $100+ on weed every week while I rarely can afford a 6 pack or bottle of wine. This is all petty but God damn

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      she needs to budget her weed better.
      What is she getting for 100 dollars? you can get a Quarter Pound of good stuff for like 800 dollars and it better last her more than 2 months.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >she
        He. But I digress. Usually 2 carts and an eighth

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          >homosexual
          >smoker
          Wow, what a fricking shock.

  70. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I'm too low IQ to understand fine dining. I went to a Michelin-starred restaurant once and I enjoyed the food there less than the peasant slop I make at home.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Michelin star restaurants are just circus with food. They aren't meant to give you good food but a "good experience"

  71. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    i have never peeled a potato

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      You should have enlisted in the army back when they actually made soldiers peel potatoes.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        why don't they do this anymore? does the military only eat frozen food now?

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Soldiers rarely do KP anymore -- it's all outsourced. Private firms will do anything to get on the government teat, especially military dollar$$$$

  72. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I ate an entire 17 inch pepperoni and meatball pizza by myself and drank like a liter of coca cola.
    I am comfy but semi guilty.

  73. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I put processed cheese triangles in my ramen.

  74. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I stopped drinking for 3 weeks.
    Refused professional help
    Ended up drinking again

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      just go to a detox, 7-10 days
      makes you feel like you put a real stop to it, they know how to do that, and you stop drinking for a long time after that

  75. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I eat food without conforming to the autistic ideals and standards of internet groups.

  76. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I had a weird day once when I still lived with my parents at the age of 26. They were both away for a weekend first thing I did was go to the store and buy
    >frozen spanakopita
    >frozen alfredo pasta (2x)
    >frozen pizza pockets
    >frozen mac & cheese
    One by one, I baked and ate them all while fricking around on my PC before 2 PM. Feeling pretty badly I thought I should be "good" for the rest of the day. However, at 5 PM I walked down to Papa Johns and got a large pie and then got some alcohol next door. I proceeded to get drunk and eat the entire large pizza. By 11 PM I had consumed over 5,000 calories of pure garbage slop, with another 1,500 calories from steel reserve on top of that, and I didn't even feel "full".
    I felt like shit for a week afterwards, though.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      The main reason fast food cooks so fast and "lasts" so short is that there isn't much density to it. I wouldn't WANT to eat
      spanakopita
      >frozen alfredo pasta (2x)
      >frozen pizza pockets
      >frozen mac & cheese
      >Papa Johns large pizza
      >Steel reserve
      But I could easily

  77. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I like canned asparagus. If you tell anyone, I'll fricking kill you.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      You told that to me, so now you have to have a nice day. It's the rules, you know.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        rules for thee, not for me

  78. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Ground pork was on sale for $1.98/lb and I only bought two pounds of it.

  79. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I subscribe to hello fresh

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous
  80. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    i'm an enlightened centrist that larps as a leftist. i've gotten REALLY good at getting (You)s

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Does a political bait (You) even count?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        as my dad once said: a (You) is a (You)

  81. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    sometimes when i'm drunk and the kitchen is empty i'll come downstairs and pick through my roommates leftover meal preps with my fingers and then rearrange it like it looked before. just a scoop here and there. they'll never know

  82. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    every time I open a box of cheez-its I eat the whole thing in one sitting

  83. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I buy the cookie dough
    Never cook the cookies just eat the dough

  84. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I rabidly defend GLP-1 agonists online even though I am too lazy to take them myself

  85. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I don't like pickles
    I love candy corn
    I don't like apple pie
    I like breakfast sausage more than bacon
    I'm a furgay
    I prefer ham over turkey on thanksgiving and christmas
    I hate Five Guys
    IPAs are fricking terrible and I think everyone who says they like them are literally pretending to for hipster clout
    I genuinely think Linkin Park gets too much shit and their first two albums were legit good

  86. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I made a puttanesca sauce; I put it on quinoa instead of pasta.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >I made a puttanesca sauce; I put it on quinoa instead of pasta
      wtf i did this a few days ago (didn't have anchovies though) and pretended the quinoa was pastina, tasted fine to me

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >didn't have anchovies though
        One day you will have to answer for your actions, and God may not be so merciful

  87. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I eat sourcream with everything
    I eat it on plain bread when I have soup
    I put it in some of my soups
    I put a layer of it ontop of pork pate on toast
    I mix it with ketchup and eat it with french toast
    I eat it straight off of the spoon or out of the containter
    It's in my blood
    My mom loves it, too. When she was a kid she lived in an eastern bloc commie country
    She lived closeby to a local store and they knew her so they would always keep a container of sour cream reserved for her even after selling all the rest for when she would prance to the store and ask for one
    I am genetically predisposed to like sour cream

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      You had me until the French toast, what the hell is wrong with you

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Try it anon it's good

  88. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I like light sour cream just as much as the full fat stuff. I even think that sourish yogurt is a good substitute for sour cream. This is odd because I usually hate low fat anything.

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