How do you know he didn’t make that cheese himself smart guy? I’m brining my own olives and grinding up pig snout to make sausage as I type this. Tomorrow I’ll harvest the wild fennel root and peppercorns to mix with the pork, and start skimming the goat milk. In about a month the tray will be ready, assuming I find a suitable piece of wood to work into a cutting board.
I will be totally honest and say this looks absolutely amazing. This is a 10/10 spread and I would be thrilled if I were at an event and this was offered.
Every party I go to, the host prepares one of these and all the guests are too shy to eat off it. I munch down on some cheese and crackers and always feel like I'm hogging the board. I hate guests that won't eat shit the host provides.
My ont and uncle were the extreme version of this and it was fricked in the head. We'd have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas and they would literally sit at the table at dinner and not eat a single thing. They would usually bring food too, like some fudge or a cheesecake but like 15 people would be eating and sharing merriment and they would just awkwardly sit with their hands on their laps.
How much do you weigh? I bet you're that fat frick that hovers near it and never goes away. Thats the reason no one approaches it. They know better that to get between a wild hog and its food source.
>Why are you like this?
Why did you get so upset about it? Must have some truth in it. >doesn't add anything to the conversation.
This isn't a conversation you fricking moron.
not really, these things are always too overloaded with shit where its impossible to cut the cheese without a bunch of shit falling off all over the place
>meat cheeses fruit and bread not separated properly >pitiful number of olives >awful choice of nuts
It's a total mess OP. Starvation is the only way I would consider anything there acceptable.
It'd be kinda sad if someone actually felt like they accomplished something by putting a bunch of processed shit on a table. It'd be like if I went to McDonald's and bought 50 dollars of food and spread it out. Not like I cooked any of it
I get it. You bought upwards of $60 worth of cheese, cured meats, small pickled peppers, olives, French bread, fig spread because you are nothing if not sophisticated, and I get it. You spared no expense for this endeavor. And you’re no debutante. You felt it when the purchase hit your Mastercard. So you took your bounty and your finest cutting board and you arranged it with the poise of a coked up Martha Stewart. I get it. It looks really nice. Pinterest worthy, even. And you’re excited to proclaim, upon the cooing of your guests, that “it was all Trader Joe’s!” They’ll surely reply, mouths agape, “oh David and I just love TJs” or perhaps the uninitiated will say “I’ve heard of them- the one over on 86th street? I’ll have to get over there soon.” They won’t, but they’ll promise to at your next event. I get it. If you must post your ventures in charcuterie, please at least be mindful of pairings. Give us something to work with here. It is the holiday season after all, and this is the third post like yours we’ve seen today.
The spread looks nice but I fricking hate paper plates so much.
You can get a dozen proper plates for like a dollar at goodwill, man.
Don't you think your food deserves a real plate?
>no room on cutting board with meat literally falling off the edge >random assortment of meats that just seems to be a prepackaged salami tray just redistributed on a board. >no mustard, preserves, or dried fruits >basic cheese selection
Idk I'd say 5/10, just a basic charcuterie plate with no personality, but nothing super wrong. Tbf the highest I'd rate something like this is like 7 since you're literally just opening packages and putting them on a plate. You want better charcuterie? Just spend more time/money picking out the meats and cheeses, there's not a really a secret or skill to it.
Oh wow...what do I want first? Maybe some dry nuts or dry bread. Oh look there's some grapes, I'll eat 2 of those. Ah he's and the main course, some meat and cheese. Excellent. Yeah you did good.
like other ppl have said you need a couple of other things on there, some additional fruits, jams or breads. personally I would skip the crackers but for a friendly neighbourhood cheeseboard you defo did good, sure your guests loved it!
Too much crackers not enough spreads but generally speaking?
Yes, to the point you actually made this board better by putting your thread on it.
9,99/10
Good job.
I get it. You bought upwards of $60 worth of cheese, cured meats, small pickled peppers, olives, French bread, fig spread because you are nothing if not sophisticated, and I get it. You spared no expense for this endeavor. And you’re no debutante. You felt it when the purchase hit your Mastercard. So you took your bounty and your finest cutting board and you arranged it with the poise of a coked up Martha Stewart. I get it. It looks really nice. Pinterest worthy, even. And you’re excited to proclaim, upon the cooing of your guests, that “it was all Trader Joe’s!” They’ll surely reply, mouths agape, “oh David and I just love TJs” or perhaps the uninitiated will say “I’ve heard of them- the one over on 86th street? I’ll have to get over there soon.” They won’t, but they’ll promise to at your next event. I get it. If you must post your ventures in charcuterie, please at least be mindful of pairings. Give us something to work with here. It is the holiday season after all, and this is the third post like yours we’ve seen today.
Yes 100% percent, you have enough of everything on your charcutterie board to make everybody happy. Though I wish you could have sliced the parmesian cheese in a way so that its easy for people to put a slice of it on a cracker if they so wished too.
You're right however the only other fruit that would fit the theme of a charcutterie board would be figs which are sadly missing from that board in OP's pic
Yeah. You did good.
looks good
You put a bunch of shit on a cutting board. Well done!
pre fabricated shit
How do you know he didn’t make that cheese himself smart guy? I’m brining my own olives and grinding up pig snout to make sausage as I type this. Tomorrow I’ll harvest the wild fennel root and peppercorns to mix with the pork, and start skimming the goat milk. In about a month the tray will be ready, assuming I find a suitable piece of wood to work into a cutting board.
>sneezes on the cutting board
Aw man. Looks like I’m the only one that can eat it now
Like I do when the cat touches my food, I throw it out for the dog while I stare at you. You, like the cat, can just frick yourself.
yeah can i have some 😀
I will be totally honest and say this looks absolutely amazing. This is a 10/10 spread and I would be thrilled if I were at an event and this was offered.
I don't like those salamies touching all the crackers but there is nothing I see that I don't want to eat
Not quite artisanal enough for my tastes.
7/10
Every party I go to, the host prepares one of these and all the guests are too shy to eat off it. I munch down on some cheese and crackers and always feel like I'm hogging the board. I hate guests that won't eat shit the host provides.
My ont and uncle were the extreme version of this and it was fricked in the head. We'd have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas and they would literally sit at the table at dinner and not eat a single thing. They would usually bring food too, like some fudge or a cheesecake but like 15 people would be eating and sharing merriment and they would just awkwardly sit with their hands on their laps.
Fricking freaks
>ont
>ont
holy frick the average iq on this website has to be below 90 these days
How much do you weigh? I bet you're that fat frick that hovers near it and never goes away. Thats the reason no one approaches it. They know better that to get between a wild hog and its food source.
Why are you like this? It's not clever and really doesn't add anything to the conversation other than showing that you're an obnoxious butthole.
>Why are you like this?
Why did you get so upset about it? Must have some truth in it.
>doesn't add anything to the conversation.
This isn't a conversation you fricking moron.
did he hit too close to home, fatty? stop hogging all the food and work out a little and your weight wont start with a "400" anymore 🙂
not him but I do the same thing and weigh 148 lbs at 5'11"
Based- make gats uncomfortable whenever the opportunity arises
That’s weird. When I throw parties I usually just mix some skittles and m&ms in a bowl for everyone to enjoy.
No, Superman does good. You did well.
not always true
IN THE EYES OF GOD:
Yes
especially if you are really high
yes but i fricking love olives and want a whole bowl of those
also
reddit
I love charcuchi boards.
It's spelled chargucci
shark coochie*
Very VERY based. This is guaranteed to get you rimmed with cured meat breath, good luck op.
imo needs more cheese but otherwise very pretty board
Agreed, could use more cheese but it looks fantastic.
That's a knife, and that's a type of soft cheese. Lern2charcuterie, noob
Why is there an icepick in the potato mash?
What cheese is this?
looks like some kind of boursin or other cream cheese blend
OP here thats my dick cheese with some black pepper
Black pepper? Gross.
They're scrambled eggs m8
that's whipped camel semen, a delicacy in coastal USA
looks like cottage
OP I beg you.
Boursin
The one that I stick in my socks at night so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning! All right?
why put in balsamic but no olive oil
Not enough bread.
not really, these things are always too overloaded with shit where its impossible to cut the cheese without a bunch of shit falling off all over the place
Very nicely done, op. Would like to see some mustard, and something sweet other than grapes, like berries or honey or jam, but still great job.
Good spread. Making me hungry. Well done op
This looks perfect, I'd be delighted to eat from this board
>meat cheeses fruit and bread not separated properly
>pitiful number of olives
>awful choice of nuts
It's a total mess OP. Starvation is the only way I would consider anything there acceptable.
crazy spread, just having trouble trying to figure out what all is on it since I don't really know stuff about chatruice boards
It'd be kinda sad if someone actually felt like they accomplished something by putting a bunch of processed shit on a table. It'd be like if I went to McDonald's and bought 50 dollars of food and spread it out. Not like I cooked any of it
I would gladly knock that over and ruin everybody's time and make some excuse why I did it
who qt in skirt
My 7 year old niece.
nvm
The duality of man
and you too homosexual
I'm gonna rape your little sister you cucky homosexual
Imagine if she got up on the table and stomped on all the food with her muddy bare feet haha
I get it. You bought upwards of $60 worth of cheese, cured meats, small pickled peppers, olives, French bread, fig spread because you are nothing if not sophisticated, and I get it. You spared no expense for this endeavor. And you’re no debutante. You felt it when the purchase hit your Mastercard. So you took your bounty and your finest cutting board and you arranged it with the poise of a coked up Martha Stewart. I get it. It looks really nice. Pinterest worthy, even. And you’re excited to proclaim, upon the cooing of your guests, that “it was all Trader Joe’s!” They’ll surely reply, mouths agape, “oh David and I just love TJs” or perhaps the uninitiated will say “I’ve heard of them- the one over on 86th street? I’ll have to get over there soon.” They won’t, but they’ll promise to at your next event. I get it. If you must post your ventures in charcuterie, please at least be mindful of pairings. Give us something to work with here. It is the holiday season after all, and this is the third post like yours we’ve seen today.
im pretty sure people just ate some snacks and touched grass weirdo rofl
The spread looks nice but I fricking hate paper plates so much.
You can get a dozen proper plates for like a dollar at goodwill, man.
Don't you think your food deserves a real plate?
can i frick your wife?
Very nice arrangement. Id try it
>no room on cutting board with meat literally falling off the edge
>random assortment of meats that just seems to be a prepackaged salami tray just redistributed on a board.
>no mustard, preserves, or dried fruits
>basic cheese selection
Idk I'd say 5/10, just a basic charcuterie plate with no personality, but nothing super wrong. Tbf the highest I'd rate something like this is like 7 since you're literally just opening packages and putting them on a plate. You want better charcuterie? Just spend more time/money picking out the meats and cheeses, there's not a really a secret or skill to it.
Somehow there's simultaneously too much and too little on the board.
it's a really poor use of space.
CHEESEBOARD
INFLUENCERS
How do you spend hours on a cheeseboard? Is she moronic or incompetent?
lying to make their 'job' seem less pathetic than it is
post cheeseboard
i hate women so much its unreal
I LOVE CHEESEBOARD!
Oh wow...what do I want first? Maybe some dry nuts or dry bread. Oh look there's some grapes, I'll eat 2 of those. Ah he's and the main course, some meat and cheese. Excellent. Yeah you did good.
Why did you skip on the TUC cookies? They're supposed to be the focal point of our almost-free ad on Culinaly?!
dont you have more than one type of bread?
americans have no culture, eating crackers instead of bread.
dude, they aren't a cheese board influence.
>no jams/spreads.
its just okay.
Google image search brings up a buncha moon runes. Are you a bot, or a bug anon?
>flips table
Let nerd!
What?
like other ppl have said you need a couple of other things on there, some additional fruits, jams or breads. personally I would skip the crackers but for a friendly neighbourhood cheeseboard you defo did good, sure your guests loved it!
Looks good to me beotch
Too much crackers not enough spreads but generally speaking?
Yes, to the point you actually made this board better by putting your thread on it.
9,99/10
Good job.
was probably really expensive so im going to give it a 4/10. it looks good but thats not enough food for a meal
Fatass
I get it. You bought upwards of $60 worth of cheese, cured meats, small pickled peppers, olives, French bread, fig spread because you are nothing if not sophisticated, and I get it. You spared no expense for this endeavor. And you’re no debutante. You felt it when the purchase hit your Mastercard. So you took your bounty and your finest cutting board and you arranged it with the poise of a coked up Martha Stewart. I get it. It looks really nice. Pinterest worthy, even. And you’re excited to proclaim, upon the cooing of your guests, that “it was all Trader Joe’s!” They’ll surely reply, mouths agape, “oh David and I just love TJs” or perhaps the uninitiated will say “I’ve heard of them- the one over on 86th street? I’ll have to get over there soon.” They won’t, but they’ll promise to at your next event. I get it. If you must post your ventures in charcuterie, please at least be mindful of pairings. Give us something to work with here. It is the holiday season after all, and this is the third post like yours we’ve seen today.
*fricks your face*
glak glak glak
this. rich people dont serve this shit at parties, they serve hors d'oeuvres
Paint with all the colors of the cheese/meat/bread/olives
>Paint with all the colors of the
wind?
And my tlayuda?
The table grapes are probably too sweet to match well with the rest. Wine grapes would be better, but availability would be an issue.
can you do one for me but with bbq food and some hot cheetos?
Bitches love that shit, if you ever want to impress a broad just put cheese and crackers on a board frick cooking a meal
>only one type of nut
>no dried fruit
>no citrus or jams
7/10
where's the wine
In my liver.
Just fyi chlorine dioxide can clean uneven surfaces like wood and it vanishes
No figs? 0/10
You didn't cook anything.
Cooking is for women and gays
WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN?
arranging food on a cutting board and taking pictures of it is the most feminine thing you can do.
Bread and crackers have no place on a charcuterie board, they should be in a basket on the side.
Also, needs pate de campagne or duck rillette. People rarely put a nice liver mousse on their boards and that what will impress guests.
no blue cheese/10
I don't see any sign of a cheese jam / mustard either. only almonds, no other nuts?
try again
are you using gloves and keeping social distancing?
Yes 100% percent, you have enough of everything on your charcutterie board to make everybody happy. Though I wish you could have sliced the parmesian cheese in a way so that its easy for people to put a slice of it on a cracker if they so wished too.
not enough fruit
You're right however the only other fruit that would fit the theme of a charcutterie board would be figs which are sadly missing from that board in OP's pic
that's it. I'm doing a charcuterie this week