jesus FRICKING christ i'm trying to make a quiche and i can not find a SINGLE GOD DAMNED MOTHERFRICKING RECIPE for a lard dough, i mean in fricking ...

jesus FRICKING christ i'm trying to make a quiche and i can not find a SINGLE GOD DAMNED MOTHERFRICKING RECIPE for a lard dough, i mean in fricking grams.

like 100g flour 70g water 50g lard 8g salt

something like that from a reputable source i'm not some fricking idiot measuring flour with cups and shit

like holy frick why does every stupid ass god damned website start off with some fricking expositional novel about the recipe you piece of shit i HATE you i HATE you I HATE YOU

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  1. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Why do you need a recipe? Just wing it.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      because dough is a formula, not a recipe. there's a given formula to create a given product and i don't feel like wasting lard and flour trying to find out what the correct numbers are.

      Don't search for a dough recipe, search for "shortcust pastry recipe +metric"

      ok i'll try that

      If euros are so big-brained why can't you just convert from customary to metric?

      hey, you fat fricking virgin idiot, units of volume don't convert to units of weight.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You can't figure that out, either?

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You know that you can Google "weight of 1 cup/1 liter of X in grams"? I convert all my recipes to weight from volume, pretty easy if you're not a fricking moron.

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          You can't figure that out, either?

          no, you can't. converting volume to weight is not accurate. different flours, different fats, have different weights. it's pretty easy if you don't give a frick about getting it right. if i wanted to experiment i'd be doing that instead of looking for the CORRECT formula.

          what i'm looking for should be instantly accessible and the first result.

          you stupid piece of shit i'll fricking kill you

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Different flours also have different weights depending on humidity
            So going by weight won't give you a precise measure for flours, either
            Or, hear me out
            Use the side of your measuring cup that's in customary

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            https://i.imgur.com/INB2YNW.gif

            i perform a satanic ritual that involves harvesting the loosh of weaker men in imageboards by instigating them to aggro against the image of strength, which opens them up to demonic interference.

            then i just clear my mind until it becomes as still and calm as a lake on a windless day, and my heart becomes like the reflection of the sky on that lake. in that moment of timeless openness, i reach out into the pregnant void with my query , involving ratios of material foodstuffs, and kind of just numbers float into my head.

            it's basically like training your intrusive thoughts to be actually useful information. i think the mechanism is basically massively parallel processing that occurs at the layer of flesh where your nervous system goes from living tissue to inorganic molecules, basically where consciousness meshes with matter. since everything has meaning, and everything effects everything else, at an unconscious level, every sentient soul actually possesses all possible knowledge.

            in the same way that you can see some Black person walking down the street and based on a thousand minor variables that mean little or nothing on their own, and which you can't consciously, logically process, the back of your mind, the instinct or gut, comes up with an instantaneous answer to the threat level he does or does not pose, and communicates that to you through physical sensations clustered around your vagus nerve bundle. like i always say - thoughts are literally just the sounds that emotions make.

            i mean, the quiche did come out perfect despite being frustrated in finding the exact knowledge i wanted and that feeling of anger i had was converted into a dead guess that turned into the exact correct answer of 4 numbers, so probably all that shit i just said is actually true.

            First time in Culinaly and your schizos are incredible.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              i ball so hard they thought i was a frickin nutsack

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              i am not insane. im not crazy.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >DoUgH iS a FoRmUlA!
        >food sucks anyway
        god I hate redditor midwits

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          yeah, except it was fricking killer, and you could NEVER, in your entire fricking LIFE, make a crust like me. you'll NEVER EVER get it as crispy and flaky as me because you SUCK at making food, because you're STUPID and can't THINK GOOD

          BITCH

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          i have killed a man before, you are a virgin

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >dough is a formula
        You are not a cook.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Yeah I would say there is not such thing as an absolutely true formula for all dough. Usually doughs are made by trial and error to get the one you absolutely love. But I think OP just wanted a typical, hand proven lard crust recipe because he didnt want to waste his ingredients on experimenting with shit.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >i don't feel like wasting lard and flour trying to find out what the correct numbers are.
        ie I DON'T LIKE HAVING FUN

  2. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >i can not find a SINGLE GOD DAMNED MOTHERFRICKING RECIPE for a lard dough
    >like holy frick why does every stupid ass god damned website

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I aint tryna read no goddamn book, I just wanna make a damn quiche

  3. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Don't search for a dough recipe, search for "shortcust pastry recipe +metric"

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >shortcust pastry recipe +metric
      https://www.daringgourmet.com/ultimate-pie-crust-recipe/

      Get ready to make the BEST flavored and BEST textured pastry crust EVER! Buttery goodness meets perfect flakiness in this homemade lard pie crust recipe that takes less than 5 minutes to make and is sure to become your go-to from now on!

      I think the original Goldilocks and the Three Bears must have been about pie crust instead of porridge because let’s face it, it’s really hard to find the perfect pie crust – Goldilocks’ pickiness would have been perfectly justified. And after sampling a lineup of them and being frustrated, I can’t blame Goldilocks for wanting to go lie down in pie-crust-tasting exhaustion. So for our pie crust and fairy-tale lovers alike, we present the ultimate pie crust recipe that even Goldilocks herself would approve!

      >What is Pie Crust?
      That might be obvious to many of us but this kind of pastry dough is known by different names in the English speaking world (see below). Pie crust is a pastry dough that calls for a minimum of half the amount of fat as flour by weight. Butter, lard, shortening or margarine are rubbed into plain flour and the mixture is then bound with a small amount of ice water to create a pastry dough that is rolled out to be used for both sweet and savory baked goods (e.g., fruit pies, meat pies, quiche, tarts, and hand-held pastries).
      AHHHHHHHH I'M GONNA FRICKING KILL SOMEONE I'M GOING TO FRICKING KILL SOMEONE I'M GOING TO DUMP .308 INTO A FRICKING RECIPE WEBSITE MAKER I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        That website seems frustrating, so here's a recipe for you OP

  4. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    If euros are so big-brained why can't you just convert from customary to metric?

  5. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >i mean in fricking grams.
    >something like that from a reputable source i'm not some fricking idiot measuring flour with cups and shit

    learn to bake, idiot. you should know by look and feel whether your dough turned out right.

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      you do not know how to bake. if you don't weigh everything in grams, on a scale, you do. not. know. how. to. bake.

      your shit will come out different every time because you are too stupid and lazy to perform the first simple task of competence in baking. you fricking slug. you ignorant fricking piece of shit.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You don't know how to bake, period, and I'm done helping you

        • 4 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I KNOW how to bake. i'm a fricking amazing baker. I'm a killer baker. YOU do not know how to bake. YOU don't even have a recipe for lard crust.

          Different flours also have different weights depending on humidity
          So going by weight won't give you a precise measure for flours, either
          Or, hear me out
          Use the side of your measuring cup that's in customary

          i'm not looking for some STUPID b***h tier recipe that works for incompetent fricking soccer moms half assed attempts. i'm looking for the STANDARD NOTATION french formula for a BASIC LARD CRUST.

          your shit will come out different every time anyway because you are not baking in a labratory environment.
          your air pressure is not controlled. your ambient moisture is not controlled. your rinky dink home oven is heating unevenly.

          your ancestors maked for thousands of years by sight and by feel! stop fetishizing and start baking, butthole.

          you piece of shit. "oh i can't control atmospheric pressure might as not weigh my ingredients." get fricked. die. you're bad at it. AND NO, MY ANCESTORS HAD FRICKING SCALES AND USED THEM.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >YOU don't even have a recipe for lard crust.
            i make lard crust all the time, by volume. it's fantastic for meat pies.
            if it feels wrong, i adjust as necessary. because i know how to bake.

            you do not know how to bake. stop being an argumentative little b***h on the internet and go learn how to bake.

            • 4 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              your lard crust FRICKING sucks.

              >your shit will come out different every time
              So? Are you cooking for clients or something? If you use the same ingredients between attempts, then any differences will be negligible abd unnoticable unless you're autistic about quiches.

              I WANT THE FRICKING FORMULA IN GRAMS. and i have a *right* to this. i have a right for google to show me the fricking formula in grams, rather than FRICKING

              https://pinchandswirl.com/lard-pie-crust/

              >Once I discovered that a Lard Pie Crust is the flakiest, most flavorful crust there is, I’ve never looked back. A blend of rendered pork lard and high fat butter unite to create a rich, flavorful crust that accentuates both savory and sweet pies.

              >When I say ‘lard,’ I don’t mean the highly processed, hydrogenated lard you’ll find lurking on grocery store shelves. Fortunately, excellent quality rendered leaf lard is available online and likely from your local butcher and/or farmers market or specialty grocery store. It’s worth seeking out to make this fluffy, flaky, delicately porky and delectable pie crust.

              >Leaf lard is the highest grade of lard rendered from visceral fat surrounding pig kidneys. It has a very neutral flavor (very little pork flavor) which makes it ideal for pie crusts and baking in general as it makes a great non-hydrogenated alternative to shortening.

              >The method for making pie crust or shortcrust pastry involves “cutting” the fat and flour into each other versus mixing them together. There’s a good reason for this technique and in order for it to work properly it’s imperative that the ingredients are very cold. The ingredients are kept cold so that the fat doesn’t melt too soon – instead the fat molecules remain intact in the pastry crust so that as the pastry heats during baking the fat slowly melts, creating airy “pockets” in the crust, making it nice and flaky.

              I HATE YOU

              I could give you Escoffier's recipe but alas, it's in avoirdupois

              DON'T WANT IT

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >https://pinchandswirl.com/lard-pie-crust/
                that recipe lists everything in grams you stupid homosexual

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                kek

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                kek

                >https://pinchandswirl.com/lard-pie-crust/
                holy shit are there bots on Culinaly that exist solely to piss me off?

                1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
                ▢1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
                ▢5 tablespoons lard ideally leaf lard (recipe note #1), chilled
                ▢4 tablespoons unsalted butter ideally high-fat, European style butter, chilled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
                ▢4 tablespoons ice water or up to 5 tablespoons

                you dumb fricking b***h, i will shove a duct knife down your fricking throat.

                also not even the right fricking recipe

                It's 2024
                We have AI, translators, Google, Perplexity, YouTube, Copilot even has a dedicated chatbot for cooking and fricking zoomers are on here whining they can't get information

                none of them work you fricking homosexual. 10 years ago google would pull it right up.

              • 4 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                press the metric button you triple Black person

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                press the metric button homo
                >also not even the right fricking recipe
                if you know the right recipe why are you throwing a tantrum on the internet moron?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                listen here you ignorant little shit

                there's no metric button. that doesn't exist you basic b***h walmart grade nonchef. you can't convert volume to weight accurately, not without experimentation based on a given stockpile. how many times do i HAVE TO TELL YOU THIS YOU IDIOT.

                yes there is moron:
                204 g all-purpose flour
                ▢1 1/2 g kosher salt
                ▢64 g lard ideally leaf lard (recipe note #1), chilled
                ▢56 g unsalted butter ideally high-fat, European style butter, chilled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
                ▢60 g ice water or up to 5 tablespoons

                fricking fake. thats not even close to the right amount of salt. you'd put more salt into fricking wheat bread., and thats not even a real recipe for lard crust. someone in this thread already posted a formula they assured me was a traditional standard.

                i think the government is sending bots to do nothing more than annoy me. this must be AI gangstalking chat algorithms that exist to irritate for no reason other than some CIA directors twisted amusement.

                put dad's .22 back in the cabinet

                i will slop your brains into the frickin cabinet, PUNK

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                put that gun in your mouth and stop posting. your fake temper tantrums are moronic.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                damn, this quiche is bubbling.

                or what you impoverished peon? you gonna cryyyyy about it wike a wittle baby?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >ham hand

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >there's no metric button

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                why did you wrap a ball of dough around your pistol?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                so i'd have something to snack on after blowing your stupid frickin brains out on the margielas in my benz truck

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                do you have to ride in the bed cause you cant fit in the front?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                yeah, when i'm in your moms butthole thats exactly what its like lol

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >pussy available
                >goes directly for the butthole
                confirmed gay homosexual detected

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                it's just that my wiener won't fit in your moms little c**t. believe me I tried. she spread it and let me take a deep snip of that Mahi Mahi. I gave that pussy a raspberry, still couldn't squeeze it in.

          • 4 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            I could give you Escoffier's recipe but alas, it's in avoirdupois

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        your shit will come out different every time anyway because you are not baking in a labratory environment.
        your air pressure is not controlled. your ambient moisture is not controlled. your rinky dink home oven is heating unevenly.

        your ancestors maked for thousands of years by sight and by feel! stop fetishizing and start baking, butthole.

      • 4 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >your shit will come out different every time
        So? Are you cooking for clients or something? If you use the same ingredients between attempts, then any differences will be negligible abd unnoticable unless you're autistic about quiches.

  6. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Quiche doesn’t use dough moron. It’s an egg pie.

  7. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's 2024
    We have AI, translators, Google, Perplexity, YouTube, Copilot even has a dedicated chatbot for cooking and fricking zoomers are on here whining they can't get information

  8. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/tender-pie-crust-recipe

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/tender-pie-crust-recipe

      holy shit there might REALLY BE CHATBOTS ON CK SENT BY THE GOVERNMENT TO JUST MAKE ME MAD

      >2 cups (213g) King Arthur Pastry Flour
      1/2 to 1 teaspoon table salt
      2 teaspoons granulated sugar, optional
      3/4 cup (170g) lard, cold*
      4 to 7 tablespoons (57g to 99g) ice water

      does that look like a fricking formula to you, you stupid piece of shit? no. a proper recipe for any baking is in GRAMS. or OUNCES. or in fricking GRAINS. or in fricking DRAMS but it's in WEIGHT.

  9. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    You just keep rubbing more fat in until the consistency feels right.

  10. 4 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >i need a good recipe in grams for pie dough
    >sure, here you go
    >FRICK YOU
    what did he mean by this?

    • 4 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      ITS NOT IN GRAMS YOU STUPID FRICK

      press the metric button you triple Black person

      THERE'S NOT A CONVERSION FOR VOLUME TO WEIGHT YOU IGNORANT FRICKING moron

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        sounds like a skill issue

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          NO, I HAVE TONS OF SKILL

          WHAT I DON'T HAVE IS A SEARCH ENGINE THAT CAN USE THE INTERNET TO FIND SIMPLE INFORMATION LIKE 'BASIC LARD CRUST RECIPE' EXPRESSED IN PROFESSIONAL TERMS.

          This is the one I use
          https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/234976/classic-lard-two-crust-pie-pastry/

          >2 cups all-purpose flour

          >1 teaspoon salt

          >⅔ cup lard

          >5 tablespoons ice water, or as needed

          NOT A PROFESSIONAL FRICKING RECIPE

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            It worked for me first try

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              BET IT WAS SHIT

              what part of this do you scrubs not understand. i'm looking for a PROFESSIONAL REFERENCE.

              your bullshit homosexual recipes for soccer moms obviously will produce a dough, that's not the point, that's not what i need, YOU STUPID Black folk ARE SO CLUELESS THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND THE NEED FOR A GLOBAL WEIGHT BASED REFERENCE FOR A BAKER BUT APPARENTLY I NEED TO BE SUBSCRIBED TO A 900 DOLLAR A YEAR UNIVERSITY RESEARCH JOURNAL TO ACCESS THIS INFORMATION SINCE THE INTERNET HAS BEEN MADE USELESS BY FRICKING israeliteS

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous
      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        yes there is moron:
        204 g all-purpose flour
        ▢1 1/2 g kosher salt
        ▢64 g lard ideally leaf lard (recipe note #1), chilled
        ▢56 g unsalted butter ideally high-fat, European style butter, chilled and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
        ▢60 g ice water or up to 5 tablespoons

  11. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is the one I use
    https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/234976/classic-lard-two-crust-pie-pastry/

  12. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    try this one, sorry the other anons aren't being helpful:
    https://www.browneyedbaker.com/the-best-pie-crust-recipe/

  13. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >100g flour
    >70g water
    >50g lard
    >8g salt
    Heres a good recipe my family has passed down for years anon.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      thank you, it looks good, pic related, just made it (doubled). but i used raw milk instead of water. making a feta-kalamata olive-spinach quiche.

      [...]

      EAT SHIT AND DIE homosexual

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Holy shit how drunk is you is

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Holy shit you said you were excellent at baking and that looks terrible

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          i AM excellent at baking, and you have no fricking idea what looks good and what looks bad, because you're an ignorant goofball. you wouldn't even know what to look for, you piece of shit. i was flipping bricks for mansa musa before you were shitting in diapers.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        could you make a more uneven crust?
        (no)

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        uhh that looks sticky... lard crust dough isn't normally sticky. Did you add yeast?

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          it looks sticky because i rolled it with my hands so it was shaped like an amoeba instead of a rectangle and so when i gently laid it in the pan i had to use the back of a knife to crimp off the extra and redistribute it to the parts that weren't tall enough to wrap over the edges of my tarte.

          my last house burnt down (not my fault) and i just moved into this place and don't have a pie pan.

          If you got any onions you can fry some onions until crispy and use as a topping. I think quiches are great with sauces and toppings. I usually get some bacon in the beginning, cook those guys until crispy and save the fat for the dough.

          you're right, and i would, but i'm too wasted to drive. this is just an idea i had to use what i have in my sparse pantry

          G3 or PTR? let me guess Cemetery arms. I'm still jealous

          ptr, i wouldn't give century a dime, those homosexualed monkeys got caught red handed headspacing g3's by grinding the back of the locking lug, which is borderline criminally negligent

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/DmVY8AX.jpg

      thank you, it looks good, pic related, just made it (doubled). but i used raw milk instead of water. making a feta-kalamata olive-spinach quiche.

      [...]
      EAT SHIT AND DIE homosexual

      ftr i mandolined frozen lard and used a kitchenaid mixer to get that fat-manifold linearity in the dough matrix

      Holy shit how drunk is you is

      i'm actually smoking crack cocaine

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      TRIPLE DUBBLES Black person

      https://i.imgur.com/DmVY8AX.jpg

      thank you, it looks good, pic related, just made it (doubled). but i used raw milk instead of water. making a feta-kalamata olive-spinach quiche.

      [...]
      EAT SHIT AND DIE homosexual

      So what was the verdict on the recipe you used for your dough. Did you just use this recipe from

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        well, as you can see, it's baking.

        https://i.imgur.com/EuPTgLv.jpg

        jesus it's cooking

        we'll know soon enough. yes, i used his recipe, doubled, with raw milk instead of water.

        to be fair a lot of the quality of a pie crust like this is going to be in how well you control the temperature of the ingredients, and how you mechanically incorporate the fat. i mandolined 2mm slices of shelf stable lard, dusted it, froze it, and then minced it, and then pulsed it in the stand mixer until it was shaggy, then pressed it out by hand. the christ had a good manifold of fat lumps in the dough, so at least the proportions were sane enough.

        Looks like shit homosexual lol

        b***h you wouldn't know a quiche if i melted the skin off your face with one.

  14. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >make a quiche
    Seek mental help ASAP anon. Quiche is an abominable food, no one should make that shit. Wanting to make quiche is an early side of suicidal tendencies.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      since i'm a REAL FRICKIN PRO i'm properly cheeseclothing the blanched 'inach.

      dude frick off, scrambled eggs in pie crust with cheese is a genius food-form

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        If you add cheese in the eggs it's called something else, I forget what, it's a tarte something
        Quiche apart from quiche IIRC vosgienne only uses cheese as a topping

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          really? i didn't know that. I just had a jar of seasoned feta and olives and figured i'd chop that up in eggs and it'd be pretty good. maybe it's a tarte, i dunno.

          folded the edges in cuz it sounds cool

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Well you're making something and it's OC so all is forgiven
            For now

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            What the absolute frick is that thing?

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Did you add any dijon mustard? I recommend some greek yogurt or olive tapenade as a topping with maybe some mild green onions.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              btw, honey horseradish dijon is the best sandwhich spread in the world for sandwhiches, and it's my own invention. never been done before.

              https://i.imgur.com/l8gC7CI.jpg

              >this fricking fat spaz flipping out on everybody and posting pics of his gun.

              well i'm not going to post pictures of a bomb (because i don't have one)

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            G3 or PTR? let me guess Cemetery arms. I'm still jealous

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            i'm not sure that thing will feed soft points reliably and normally they are a little too hot compared to nato 7.62 which is weak as frick for some reason.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              aaand it's out

              PTR's are calibrated to eat off the shelf hunting cartridges, which just means 3 more degrees of angle in the forcing wedge compared to softer shooting, thicker cased nato 7.62, similar to how PSG-1 was set up for hand loaded .308.

              it feeds flawlessly. these are cartridges i made with starline brass, 150 grain flat bottom lead tips thin jacket, and 44 grains of IMR 4064, which is a slightly compressed charge. it's hot and hits 2925 on average. but it's never failed to cycle properly. and i've ran it as fast as my finger can go during driven shoots on pigs.

              [...]

              maybe you should seek therapy for the trauma i've caused you, i suggest seeing dr. based, he's a specialist in cringe behavioral disorders.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                i don't particularly enjoy the way you've conducted yourself in your thread, and suspect i would also dislike you in general, but i do like how the quiche turned out

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                thanks

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                cope

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                looks like shit KYS

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >all that b***hing and it looks like shit
                lmao you stupid fat c**t

                honestly op this looks pretty bad.

                god frickin damn am i GOOD. look at this glorious savory tart. all you Black folk saying you think it looks bad are just lying because you're neet incels that are offended by my abrasive personality.

                the anon who gave me the secret traditional lard crust formula: badass dude thank you, i wrote it down in my cookbook.

                not the anon you replied to but how is the g3 against pig? i hunted them once with a century arms FAL sometimes if they are got into groups.

                well, it slings 150 grains at 2800-2900fps, at under 1moa despite being a 1950 design (the nitride barrels on PTR are more accurate than the chromed barrels on NATO stock) and the diopter sight allows you to collimate-aim with the front sight post, and it runs like a sewing machine, one of the most reliable auto-loading rifles ever made...

                but it's a big brutal gun and it's brutal to operate. if you're not 6 feet tall you might have a rough time wielding it. it's not light and the ergonomics are definitely designed for people who are about to die in the irradiated hellscape of conventional warfare on the scorched remains of eastern europe.

                i just vibe with the doom rifle aspect of it. and ruggedness/reliability is my primary criteria in firearms.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >but it's a big brutal gun and it's brutal to operate. if you're not 6 feet tall you might have a rough time wielding it.
                maybe you'd have an easier time with it if your fat ass laid off the shitty quiches and got some cardio

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                look at how flaky and layered this simple, rough rolled, shaggy pie dough came out. perfect.

                buddy, i'm a motherfricking slayer. i've killed over a hundred animals. some of them with scissors. i've put two men into the emergency room with my hands. one of them was my stepfather. when i was 11 my drunken abusive stepfather made me shoot 3 alpacas in the head at 5am during a blizzard (that side of the family was ruined by the alpaca pyramid scheme) i can run a 7 minute mile at 260lbs, and i can pick up a transmission off the ground at work and put it on a work table. without wearing gloves. i shot a 60 year old drunk guy to death in the hallway of the family farm i lived on until i got rich. well, he died a day later because it was just a bunch of .22lr, but i still hear the sounds he made in nightmares sometimes. when my LTR gf cheated on me i fricked her best friend one week later. then i fricked the 50 year old woman that hooked us up in the first place. i walked 2500 miles across the USA with a 70lb ruck, sleeping in ditches by the highway, no tent, even in the rain. i manufactured nearly a kilogram of NN-DMT when i lived in syracuse NY and once, i smoked it while i was driving a car on the highway. that'd kill an average man, but i managed to stay conscious. i could pop your fricking head off and it'd make a sound like a can of spray paint.

                KEK you never even realized the "secret traditional lard crust formula" was literally the exact same measurements you posted as an estimation in the OP.

                no, i used

                >100g flour
                >70g water
                >50g lard
                >8g salt
                Heres a good recipe my family has passed down for years anon.

                , but yes, it was the same as my estimations. that's how i knew it was right.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                buddy, i'm a motherfricking slayer.
                a slayer of pies lmao

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >LTR gf
                loser troony moron gf?
                sounds about right

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Try cooking the crust through on the bottom next time. Looks way too thick.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                dude... this shit is soo flaky, crispy, crunchy, and the filling is so savory and custardy. amazing... amazing. whoever posted that lard crust recipe was legit.

                dude, look at the bottom. it's golden brown and crunchy. what are you talking about there's like a thin layer of egg and veg at all on top, the rest is just puffy crunchy pastry.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Next time use chopsticks so we don't have to see your disgusting fingers.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                you'll see these fingers when i pluck your fricking eyes out with them, b***h.

                [...]
                You are the epitome of Dunning Kruger.

                anyone who has ever used the term 'dunning kruger' is a fricking weakling. the ONLY people who ever use it are people who CAN NOT PHYSICALLY DEFEND THEMSELVES and so they try really hard to be good little boys and believe their teachers!

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                KEK you never even realized the "secret traditional lard crust formula" was literally the exact same measurements you posted as an estimation in the OP.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Of course he did dummy

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous
              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                wait frick, i think i just got played. but im a survivor and the quiche is bomb

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                This is just fricking awesome. At least OP (says he) made a good quiche despite the frickers happening here.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                you tell me.

                dude... this shit is soo flaky, crispy, crunchy, and the filling is so savory and custardy. amazing... amazing. whoever posted that lard crust recipe was legit.

                dude, look at the bottom. it's golden brown and crunchy. what are you talking about there's like a thin layer of egg and veg at all on top, the rest is just puffy crunchy pastry.

                does this look crispy, crunch, and flaky? hell yeah it does because it is

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Champion

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >neet incels
                so you're a roastie who cant cook unless a man instructs you on a website but we're the incels because you needed our help to make some fricking stiff crust.

                You realize you have such problems with recipes because you are incompetent right? that all our NERD INCEL TIME has led us to be ablle to navigate a website without ads or other bullshit or skim past it in search results while you click every goyslop network ad and drive it's traffic to the top like the train of rubberless wieners you service in an effort to seem liberated and a girlboss?

                I can think of like 20 channels and 5 websites I would trust to find the recipe you asked for but you're so stupid you couldn't find the answer without screaming at co/ck/s while simultaneously blaming us for you hitting the wall.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                not the anon you replied to but how is the g3 against pig? i hunted them once with a century arms FAL sometimes if they are got into groups.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                .308 is a great hog round, IMHO its on the stronger side of whats necessary with 30-30 being the norm around my area then again my neighbor shoots groundhogs with a 7mm mag so what do i know.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                yeah I usually hunt them with my bolt action rifle in 7.62x39 which almost has the same ballistics of 30-30. the fal is just like what you said. a rugged ass gun that kicks like a frick and is heavier than a bag of bricks. but 7.62x39 it such a fun and cheap round to smash hogs with. i know a lot of guys are using ars in .300 blackout.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                it is, but around here there's guys way more serious than me about killing hogs and yotes in as great of numbers as humanly possible, and they run the cheapest 5.56 they can find in 5000 round boxes just because ultimately it's a lower price per kill. they're also using 5000 dollar thermals and NV and shit though. so for casual seasonal hunters, like me and most others, who just want a pig and a deer or two a year, .308 is perfect because of how deadly, accurate, and flat shooting it is, but serious hunters that are killing ungodly amounts of animals, .308 is a bit too expensive. those guys are just unloading entire pallets of cheap AK and AR bullets into the wildlife. for me if stuff just sits down and i don't have to look for it and they don't suffer much, i'm happy, and i don't think there's a better all-around cartridge on earth than .308 winchester. i mean what the frick can't it do?

                >why does every stupid ass god damned website start off with some fricking expositional novel about the recipe
                advertising, dumbass. if you have to scroll down five times to get to the actual recipe, the site will load five times as many adverts and thus generate more money for the site owner. it sucks but it is what it is. bbc doesn't advertise so generally bbc food is a better way to find recipes

                well it's unacceptable.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >all that b***hing and it looks like shit
                lmao you stupid fat c**t

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                honestly op this looks pretty bad.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Suddenly I don't feel so bad about my own cooking

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                yeah, you should you sad little neet. because your cooking sucks and you can't cook. but i can. i can cook really good, because i'm smart, which you are not. it's really easy, why can't you do it as good as me?

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Man, you don't know much about guns, either
                Although yes of course PTR is better than Century

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                you dumb motherfricker. i know more about guns than you, you stupid piece of shit.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I know you should use one on yourself.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                you hate me because i'm better than you, and that's why i'll always be better than you, because i only hate people that i'm better than, and never hate anyone that's better than me.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                I'm literally a former baker who works in the gun industry
                I'm sure IRL we'd have a good chat and a hearty laugh

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >feminine wrists
        ngmi

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          those wrists have put men into the emergency room. i dominate you.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >bragging about fisting your gay partner wrong and sending him to the hospital

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              i'm talking about beating your face and slamming your head against the ground until you're injured enough to require medical intervention, which i can do to you, because i am stronger than you, and i am smarter than you, and i am crueler than you. my testicles are larger than yours. you are a weak, soft little guy. you're not a man like i am.

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                Brother I will shove your shitty quiche lard dough, your quiche lard dough that sucks because you tried to follow a FORMULA but you're such a fricking 110 IQ midwit that you can't even do simple math like proportions and you used way too much of your artisan Canadian germ flour and wasted $14 USD on a shitty dry dough but your ego is too fragile to admit that you suck balls and are too stupid to cook, I will take that quiche and shove it so far up your prolapsed anus that you will have a Ratatouille flashback to your boarding school days. I am going to skullfrick you with your shitty quiche, I will shove it in one of your gay feminine ears and pull it out the other, and the dough will break and crumble easily because you suck at cooking, leaving dry dough crumbles in your skull cavity for the rest of your miserable life as a reminder to your failures. I am going to take your quiche pan, use the removable bottom as a Frisbee and pretend I'm Oddjob when I bash your nose in with it, then I'll take the sides and shove it down your fat head and it will be a crown. You will be Princess Quiche, graceful monarch of the gay redditor midwits who can't cook for shit even though they buy all the meme ingredients and got a fricking kitchen scale like a gaywad.

            • 3 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              kek

              • 3 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >"kek"
                you've never had sex with a woman

  15. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    minced frozen kerrigold - will it float? or will it have to go on top of the spinach?

  16. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    the greatest nation on earth (u.s.a.) uses cups and tbsp and tsp. if you cant handle that you're a bad cook and should go back to eating mushy peas on toast.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      no bakers in america use fricking cups and tsp. no chefs in america use cups and tsp.

      you're such a stupid moron moron that you don't even know why pros use weight and amateurs use shit like cups or tsp.

      i'll fricking kill you Black person

      could you make a more uneven crust?
      (no)

      what are you? a major flaming lala homosexual nancy boy? it's a frickin quiche who gives a shit, i aint serving it to any women. i just want to eat god damned eggs and crust.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        im a chef at a Michelin star restaurant and i use cups every day.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          yeah, to hold the jizz you drink lol

          What the absolute frick is that thing?

          a mandolin. its the second most dangerous thing i own, after that canister of tungsten hexafluoride from the 1940s i found in a storage unit full of shit stolen from an army base.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        cup my balls loser lol

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          yeah you'd love that wouldn't you, you flaming queer

          Did you add any dijon mustard? I recommend some greek yogurt or olive tapenade as a topping with maybe some mild green onions.

          i almost did. then i remembered the jar of dijon i have is mixed with honey and horseradish. that was almost a disaster. i don't really have anything in my fridge except for butter, lard, raw milk, and eggs. i got the jar of olives and feta for 1 dollar in the discount bin at the liquor store yesterday.

          • 3 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            If you got any onions you can fry some onions until crispy and use as a topping. I think quiches are great with sauces and toppings. I usually get some bacon in the beginning, cook those guys until crispy and save the fat for the dough.

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        put dad's .22 back in the cabinet

  17. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    zoomer detected.

  18. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >this fricking fat spaz flipping out on everybody and posting pics of his gun.

  19. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    its in the oven, it's going to be a minute. chill out you teenage emo Black folk, go listen to some green day and cut your wrists for a bit.

  20. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    jesus it's cooking

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Looks like shit homosexual lol

  21. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    mmmm yummy yummy in your tummy tummy anon :3 looks delish ^___^ great job!

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      uwu thanks

  22. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >why does every stupid ass god damned website start off with some fricking expositional novel about the recipe
    advertising, dumbass. if you have to scroll down five times to get to the actual recipe, the site will load five times as many adverts and thus generate more money for the site owner. it sucks but it is what it is. bbc doesn't advertise so generally bbc food is a better way to find recipes

  23. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Alright, good thread guys, quiche came out great, thank you for all your help. if there's nothing else i can do for you, i'll take questions, and then i've got to go lean up against the wall and beat off to my chrome hearts boots, and splooge all over my 170 year old 17,000 dollar rug.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      where do you usually get all your recipes for doughs?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        i perform a satanic ritual that involves harvesting the loosh of weaker men in imageboards by instigating them to aggro against the image of strength, which opens them up to demonic interference.

        then i just clear my mind until it becomes as still and calm as a lake on a windless day, and my heart becomes like the reflection of the sky on that lake. in that moment of timeless openness, i reach out into the pregnant void with my query , involving ratios of material foodstuffs, and kind of just numbers float into my head.

        it's basically like training your intrusive thoughts to be actually useful information. i think the mechanism is basically massively parallel processing that occurs at the layer of flesh where your nervous system goes from living tissue to inorganic molecules, basically where consciousness meshes with matter. since everything has meaning, and everything effects everything else, at an unconscious level, every sentient soul actually possesses all possible knowledge.

        in the same way that you can see some Black person walking down the street and based on a thousand minor variables that mean little or nothing on their own, and which you can't consciously, logically process, the back of your mind, the instinct or gut, comes up with an instantaneous answer to the threat level he does or does not pose, and communicates that to you through physical sensations clustered around your vagus nerve bundle. like i always say - thoughts are literally just the sounds that emotions make.

        i mean, the quiche did come out perfect despite being frustrated in finding the exact knowledge i wanted and that feeling of anger i had was converted into a dead guess that turned into the exact correct answer of 4 numbers, so probably all that shit i just said is actually true.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      What is your opinion on the israelites

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        most of them are good people and i like the ones that aren't weak little worms. but all of them must be destroyed. nothin personal just how it is

  24. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    HEE HEE
    SHAMONA
    AYWOULKI

  25. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    you are a dumb unresourceful Black person, there are plenty of websites for conversions of recipes
    fricking stupid fricking Black person, ask me how i know youre ass at cooking
    youre too fricking dumb to google shit no way your food is good moron
    low iq brain rotted tard shit

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      ask me how i just made something better than anything you've ever made in your entire frickin life lol i frickin clown on your goofy ass

  26. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >why does every stupid ass god damned website start off with some fricking expositional novel about the recipe you piece of shit
    Because they're written by women.

  27. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It's just shortcrust pastry my dude.

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      everything is 'just' something, my dude

  28. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >uses American word for pastry
    >gets upset at American results

    many such cases

  29. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    With butter (which the normal, human way of doing a quiche) it's half the amount of flour

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >butter crust

      disturbingly stupid. butter melts too easy and makes crusts that are soft and not flaky. you might as well make bread because you're not going to make a crispy shortcrust with butter.

      which is why you use lard or tallow, which is cheaper and much higher performance. what are you, clueless?

      • 3 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        also no it isn't lol? you'd get half as much dough dumbass

        You are the epitome of Dunning Kruger.

        • 3 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          hey lets see your shitty fricking food i want to laugh, you probably don't even have the courage to leave your room and use mommies kitchen lol

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      also no it isn't lol? you'd get half as much dough dumbass

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Butter in a savory crust like a Quiche? Thats fricking ultra downy moron thinking right there. You dont use butter for these things because butter will melt quicker and make your crust soft and not as crispy. Not to mention it will be harder to work into the dough becuase of its low melting point. Always use shortening or neutral rendered animal fats for savory (or even sweet crusts) if you want a crispy flakey texture instead of a shitty soggy soft mess of shit.

  30. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >uses American word for pastry
    >gets upset at American results

    many such cases

  31. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    ok, i have to go drive 40 miles to buy two gallons of raw milk, this is my sunday routine. i maintain a speed over 100mph for 15 minutes because there's no speed limits on two lane highways in westminster texas

  32. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Hoppette posting has spread beyond /k/
    Please no

    • 3 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Is that hop?

      Did he finally troon out? I figured it was only a matter of time.

  33. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Is that hop?

  34. 3 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Holy shit what a fricking sperg. I bet all europeans are like this autist.

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