What was your latest or worst kitchen frickup? What happened?

What was your latest or worst kitchen frickup? What happened?

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    The chicken was probably 5 degrees Celsius over what I consider ideal.
    This is an opportunity for growth, though, next time I will make sure to pull it at the right time.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I recently started using a meat thermometer and I'll be darned chicken breast actually tastes freaking great even by itself when it's not 30 degrees overcooked. Thought I was taking crazy pills with not understanding how anyone could prefer it.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >chicken was kinda dry
      this is worse than it seems
      Do better anon.

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    JFC explain yourself, OP

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Chocolate lava cake.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        molten lava cake

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      There's clearly a watermark

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sauron?

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    chiffon cake never goes well for me

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Had to scrape some black crust off a garlic bread I was ovenning. No big deal, a lil charcoal never hurt anyone.

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Opened the pressure release valve on a stove top pressure cooker while the pressure was extremely high. Ended up with a geyser in my kitchen, which I panicked and ran around the kitchen holding, trying to decide where to go with it while it continued hosing down everything above my path. Eventually the hamster on the spinning wheel in my brain got up to a high enough speed that I was able to decide to put the pressure cooker back down and close the valve.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Heh we've all been there just toss it in the sink and run cold water over it next time
      My dad made black beans in the pressure cooker and got distracted and it blew the safety valve, spraying a volcanic cone of beans up onto the wall and ceiling
      I thought a car hit our house
      Anyway the beans made a slightly purple and almost permanent heat map of the cone spray in the kitchen's paint
      We had to sand off the paint and put down a layer of primer, the first time we repainted the bean dye just worked through the new paint
      He didn't throw the pressure cooker away, BTW, he just bolted a set of washers over the safety valve
      He did demolitions in the military something's wrong with that part of his brain

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Im always SUPER cautious with my pressure cooker because Ive heard so many horror stories, shits not getting opened until the little screen says its okay

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Pro tip I learned from my grandma, if you throw a folded towel over the valve it'll keep water vapor from spraying everywhere.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        You're trying to trick me into blowing up a pressure cooker aren't you

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Wok full of very hot oil
    >bunch of finely cut onions
    >Into the wok they go
    >WHOOSH! Giant fireball

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous
  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Accidentally damaged the seasoning layer on my carbon steel wok.
    Have to start from scratch all over again when it comes to seasoning my stuff. AAAHHHH

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    got 1 drop of sauce on the clean counter

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      tragic, i hope you're handling it well

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >be me, prolly 14 or 15
    >washing dishes at a greek place with an butthole israelite owner
    >slow time after lunch rush, and i have to change the 5 gallon bucket of industrial-grade machine detergent with a new one
    >dump out the remaining detergent on the sidewalk out back
    >an hour later, boss starts his usual shit of yelling at me for no reason and calling me names
    >think to myself "man, this job is a pain in the ass"
    >pissed off, go outside to sit on the sidewalk and relax
    >sit in a little wet area, don't care because i'm already soaked from spraying down dishes
    >within minutes my ass starts to hurt for some reason
    >now it really hurts
    >stand up and realize i just sat in the fricking dish detergent
    >ass is on fire now, seriously the worst pain of my life (picrel: mfw)
    >take off my pants (which are now flat and hard like cardboard due to the detergent) and start spraying my ass with the hose
    >people are seeing me doing this and staring
    >one lady is recording
    >desperately call my mom to exfiltrate me the frick out of there
    >she arrives and i gtfo
    Needless to say, that job quickly became a literal pain in the ass. I never showed up there again.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Dont worry, the city probably closed that place for terrible waste disposal practices

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        The place closed within a year because the owner (butthole greek israelite) sold his very successful New York themed restaurant next door (greek and italian classics, very popular place) and opened this fricking greek place literally one unit over and thought people would go to his new place rather than the old neighborhood staple. I pretty much knew it was over because everyone the old place would be packed and the new one empty.
        Also I dumped it nearby (but not on) a storm drain, does that count?

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          What state? I feel like this place sounds too familiar

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            Florida

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Lol and people say cell phones are good for society
      Been there-adjacent, back then they'd have to go out and buy one of those disposable cameras
      Actually, no, we had them on-hand for weddings
      >MFW I just realized there are pictures of my ass probably somewhere because of this kind of shit
      Frick.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      this remind me of dish detergent story i tell now:
      >be me, yimmy yohns manager in downtown midwest big party college town location
      >every home football game, the area around my store turns into drunk zombie wasteland shitshow
      >line out the door, continually running out of bread, screaming, typically vomiting and fights etc
      >customers say: bathroom out of soap!
      >i go to back supply closet which is unlocked and i see something i will never forgetting:
      >sorority girl and frat guy on ground of closet
      >pants round ankles,
      >both clearly blacked out wasted after tailgating
      >open jug of highly concentrated dish soap
      >boy is slopping highly concentrated toxic skin-eating dish soap on Penis
      >girl has clearly already been penetrated with Toxic Soap Penis as there is a puddle of pink concentrated soap on and around her vaginor
      i say to them
      >what the FRICK
      and they look to me like:
      >hello God, it's me Margaret
      so I say:
      >Get the frick out of my closet please
      >they pull up pants and stumble away without washing
      i would not be one slightest least big surprised to learn that they both suffered severe chemical burns and required inpatient medical care and permanent loss of function/sensitivity as a result of coating the most sensitive parts of their bodies in highly, highly toxic concentrated dish soap

      and then a screaming man in yellow overalls threw our chip rack through the plate glass window.

  12. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Tried boiling water in a pot and forgot about it for a while. It was hot enough to loosen the rivets that hold the handle.

  13. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >making a burrito
    >ran out of southwest habanero marinade
    >had to use Asian sweet and spicy marinade
    >burrito was weird but still good
    never gonna let that one go, haunts me to this day

  14. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous
    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Did you accidentally step into a time machone while cooking? That pic is from the stone age.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Is this the Tsarnaev's kitchen?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        No, CNN, and you can stop writing articles about how "cute" they were and how we should feel bad as Americans.

  15. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Fell asleep freshman year of college with my hamburger helper simmering. Smelled terrible. Upset roommates. Weird thing is it caramelized on the bottom and slid right into the trash and the pan was virtually clean. Right then and there, things only got better.

  16. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    left a pizza in the oven and fell asleep because i was drunk. my roommate/landlord caught it burning and told me the next day, never gave me a lot of shit for it though
    and now, 4 years later, i go back and make sure everything in the kitchen i've been using is off before going to bed, even if its been hours and i've already confirmed its off

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      i did this before i passed out on the kitchen floor and woke up to black smoke and the alarm blaring

  17. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I used a serrated knife to open a package of meat, and got my thumb pretty bad. I was 12 though
    Potentially the worst was the time I was obsessed with boiled eggs but also a heavy drunk. Forgot about 'em, woke up, they were still on the heat in the pot, but all the water had evaporated and the shells were turning black. still ate them

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >but all the water had evaporated and the shells were turning black. still ate them
      what compels a man to commit such acts?
      >inb4 alcoholism
      it goes deeper than that

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        the alcoholism and the compulsion to eat destroyed eggs have the same root cause

  18. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >getting some oil hot for fried chicken
    >playing xenoblade chronicles on the wii u
    >watching cutscenes and forget i had the oil on
    >turn it down but immediately throw the garlic in like a fricking moron
    >naturally pops everywhere and smokes out the entire apartment
    >also left spoon in and it broke but still stayed together
    i watched the entire entry cutscene where dunban fights the mechon through garlic smoke. Also I broke one of my ~80 year old cutting boards yesterday (tongue/groove joint snapped when i dropped it) which made me sad but I will glue it back together

  19. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Burnt my brothers frozen pizza this evening. It already had splotches of black cheese when the minimum cook time on the packaging had only just passed. It was below two other pizzas on sheet pans, so maybe it happened due heat radiating off of them onto the top since the bottom was mostly fine. But then again I’ve cooked the exact same types of pizzas in the exact same configuration at the same temperature for the same amount of time several times before and it turned out fine so who knows what I did wrong.

  20. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Put a pot of water on the stove, went upstairs to play PS3 and forgot about it, all the water boiled away and then the pot heated up so much it melted.

  21. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Ahh, yes. The RBMK reactor.

  22. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    First time I made stir fry my dumb ass put the chicken, sauce and vegetables in all at once. Learned the hard way that sugary sauce + intense heat = ruined, charcoal-coated pan

  23. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I was catering for a homeless shelter and instead of putting food grade Diatomaceous Earth in with the food I put in an astringent powder. It was non toxic so I never told anybody. Everything worked out.

  24. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    When I was a younger man in my 20's, I came home very hungry once, there was a box of half eaten pizza on the counter. I casually took a nibble, but was so friggin hungry, I started forcefully packing the entire piece in my mouth, and grunting. I didn't realize but sitting on the couch in the living room was my brother's girlfriend who had been sitting there reading. In a very c**ty and disgusted voice she just said "OH, MY GOD". I was pretty embarrassed and still feel embarrassed when I recall this event

  25. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Most recent frickup
    >At work, have to do a pan of stuffed chicken for catered dinner
    >Butterfly, season, stuff the breasts
    >Sear them off
    >Throw in steamer to finish
    >Somehow hit the convection + steam setting without noticing
    >Set my timer and go to prepare the salad
    >Something smells off twenty minutes later
    >Go look, open steamer and get blasted with hot air
    >Chicken breasts are now brown shrivelled things
    >Have to have dinner out the door in 30 minutes and need to start over on the main
    Needless to say dinner was late for those people. Ended up doing shrimp instead because nothing else would cook in time. Fortunately they didn't know what the menu was beforehand as we cater them regularly and just send them whatever.

  26. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Managed to pour boiling oil over every single finger on my right hand. I don't have full sensation back, but I'm just glad to still have functioning fingers, frankly.

  27. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    my kitchen floor is original wood and my stove is induction. i wanted to try cooking with a stainless steel pan. so iheated it and went outside to light the BBQ. i come back and the pan started to melt. i tried to move it and some molten metal fell on the floor and burned through the carpet and the floor. a piece of molten metal got stuck on the stove and cooled, and when i tried to remove it a large chunk of the glass got removed.
    suck that i fdamaged my floor, but i'll just resand it and cover it with a carpet and get the cooktop replaced. could've badly burned my foot so it could've been worse

  28. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    OP WHAT THE FRICK DID YOU DO

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You're about to get raped newbie.

  29. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    i had the genius idea to crack an egg into my cup ramen while waiting the 3 minutes after adding boiling water and ended up with a gross slimy severely undercooked mess with my noodles

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      You mean to tell me the heat of the noodles did not cook the egg?

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        MODS

  30. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    This is what happens when you look away when you are making caramel for .000000005 seconds.

  31. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I just ordered food online for pickup, I forgot to add the side sauce I wanted, the place is usually packed and workers are kinda rude. How do I ask for the side sauce?

  32. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Full force chopped a chicken bone without checking the LZ.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      rip.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        It grew back.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          All of it?

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            my dad did the same thing to his thumb and you can barely tell. IDK why they can regen like that, maybe our sense of touch is just that important.

  33. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    not one big mistake but an infuriating series of small ones. Just happened yesterday: for chicken parm I attempted to horizontally cut a chicken breast into two even fillets and one ended up being less than a quarter the size of the other one. Then I realized I forgot to buy parmesan cheese so I just had to leave that out... from a recipe called "chicken parm". Then I started cooking them but forgot to pound them thin the way I was supposed to until it was too late. While I was stressing about the chicken I forgot about the spaghetti on the stove for way too long. I also forgot to buy vegetables so no greens with the meal, which ended up just being a malformed chunk of badly fried chicken with a dollop of marinara sauce from a jar, plus a side of ruined spaghetti.
    After I was done washing dishes I forgot to put the other cutlet in the fridge so it was just sitting on a counter in my warm kitchen overnight.

    cooking with ADHD is a fun adventure

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      >cooking with ADHD is a fun adventure
      I have turbo ADHD and i'm not that much of a mess, that's like bipolar mania shit.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        I'm bipolar and adhd and all this means is that i cook 4 times as much food as i can eat because ahhh im gonna cooook i'm cooooking and i check the recipe 15 times per step because i don't remember anything but i still make it right in the end. that guy's just a dumbass and trying to blame it on a mental disease

  34. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    was trying to make some yogurt and fricked up the temperatures

  35. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I've tried twice now making a thai aromatic based falernum to use in a thai basil daiquiri, and blatantly fricked it up

    > 1st attempt, have shitty digital scale, recipe calls for 3g of bird's eye, approximate it using ml conversion by crushing them into measuring spoon
    > yields 1.5 liters, sweetness and viscosity right, scorching hot heat buildup, completely inedible for purpose
    > 2nd attempt, use single bird's eye, but add other aromatics outside original recipe
    > cassia bark, red ginger, galangal, stuff that seems like it'd suit the profile
    > syrup has overwhelming tannin flavor, little sweetness, again inedible for purpose

    I'm probably out like 50 bucks between the waste of booze and exotic spices I had to source online. I don't know which aromatic it was that completely fricked the 2nd batch. Or maybe I just left it in booze too long.

  36. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >like real fudge cooked on the stove
    >always frick it up
    >buy new fancy candy thermometer
    >start cooking fudge
    >temperature stops climbing
    >wtf.jpg
    >turn heat up
    >turn hear up more
    >burnt to shit
    >candy thermometer probe encrusted with burnt sugar
    I fricking hate cooking sugar. It always fricking burns. The entire pot was encrusted with burnt sugar. I ended up putting it in the freezer and knocking the sugar loose by beating on the underside with a meat tenderizer.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Water will dissolve it just let it sit with water in it over night

  37. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Spilled milk overheating it in the microwave

  38. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Latest one was minor but still embarrassing
    >pull the food processor out of the top cupboard to make some watermelon juice
    >bowl falls off and hits the floor, several chips of plastic break off and there's a huge crack in the bowl now
    >have to use low end immersion blender instead and it takes forever

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      the most embarrassing part of this is that your ass was trying to make Watermelon Juice tf

  39. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Very minor but
    >put a waffle house foil wrapper in the microwave because i didnt think it was real foil
    .1 seconds after I hit start it sparked up and I immediately took it out so it wasn't too bad, really shocked my balls though

  40. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Few years ago I tried making hard boiled eggs with the microwave.
    All three eggs exploded, blowing the microwave's door open and spraying egg and water over about a quarter of my kitchen floor.
    Some of it hit the ceiling too.

  41. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    It did not go as expected.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      zuc, jar sauce, pre shredded mozz, cottage cheese, sorry but you're ngmi

  42. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >latest
    was making blackened onions for a garlic and onion pilaf and looked away for literally 30 seconds and they burned to uselessness on my new electric stove
    >worst
    snorted a bunch of dilaudid and wanted cheesy potatoes so I cut up some raw potatoes in to wedges and covered them in kraft singles because there wasn't any real cheese. The potatoes didn't even cook and it was utterly disgusting

  43. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I wanted to make Frito pie because when I was like 11 I saw it in some magazine and my mother made it for me and I was feeling nostalgic so I put some beans on the stove, forgot about it, went out with some friends and burned down my house

  44. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    anon cooked the sun

  45. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >boiling some water
    >go outside to get something
    >about to leave the house, smell fabric burning
    >see that my glove has somehow managed to catch on fire despite being nowhere near the burner

  46. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    worst
    >pour broth into collander down the drain
    >dropped slow cooker full of baked apples in my truck
    >accidentally made raw burgers
    most recent
    >random small knife knicks and small burns as per usual

  47. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Had a teacher. As a little girl she had stood up on a chair and played with an electric coil stovetop just like mommy. She stumbled and her face landed on and stuck to the hot coil. Although as an adult she applied much make up, you couldn't miss the distinct coil pattern seared into the whole side of her face. That was the worst kitchen stuff-up I am aware of, it made this excellent teacher into a lifelong spinster and she was a really nice person. I guess she made men hungry for dinner upon seeing her face instead feeling romantic thoughts.

  48. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    i grabbed the handle of a stainless steel pan i pulled from the oven 3 minutes ago

  49. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I left the stove on for hours and food was covered in the pan. smoke detector works but never went off. I even ate the food but of course it was hard as a rock.

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