It's an orchid and it takes three years for the plants to start producing flowers and the plants are a pain in the ass to grow. When they finally do bloom they have one flower per day and you have to hand pollinate it within 12 hours of opening, and it keeps doing that for only about 20 days.
When the beans are finally grown they all ripen when they feel like it and not all at once. Picking them can give you contact dermatitis. They have an elaborate curing process after that and it takes six months.
Through God.
When you really think about how many intricate processes exist like this in nature the entire concept of evolution becomes exposed for the hilarious joke it is
when environments are stable for very long periods of time it becomes possible to adapt to more and more specific niches. and species adapt to each other and become co-dependent. long term stability allows all this weird shit to happen.
but a disruption to the status quo can wipe this type of stuff out pretty quick
>retards think vanilla comes from a plant
dumbasses everyone knows vanilla comes from fresh squeezed beaver
based beavers
i wish i could taste vanilla from eating ass
how do they extract the anal gland juice? are they killing beavers for their lucrative anal glands? do they have beavers strapped into beaver racks where they use some sort of anal apparatus to milk their anal gland? is it someone's job to anally penetrate a beaver to extract delicious vanilla flavor? tell me how it works.
>milk of most of their blood >release back into the wild >act surprised when fewer and fewer come back
Of course they drain them to an inch of their life because capitalism demands nothing less.
vanilla plantations in madagascar have armed dudes with shotguns patrol the plantations to prevent thieves and vanilla poachers
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/features/vanilla-farming-crime-madagascar-trade-a8520396.html
>vanilla extract is made with alcohol that is federally mandated to be at least 35% alcohol content
Give it to me straight bros, are vanilla shots worth it?
alcoholic here, i've reached into my homemade vanilla extract to get one last shot in before i pass out
of course it's not 'worth' it because of how monstrously expensive it is but also it kind of isn't all that tasty or interesting. yeah you get the vanilla aroma but it doesn't pair that well with the harshness of vodka. i feel like vanilla only really works well in a custard.
it might also be decent if there are some cocktails that incorporate sweetness. maybe like an old fashioned but with vodka
Cancer fits into religious belief perfectly well because the Abrahamic God is willing to do all sorts of horrible things to people, like killing Job's family and giving him diseases, smiting Sodom and Gomorrah, the Flood, and so on.
The problem atheists have is when religious people try to inflict their terrible ideas on other people, including their kids. Like refusing a blood transfusion that would save their own child. Or refusing to take them to a doctor in the first place. Or when they pass laws preventing doctors from treating pregnancy issues like ectopic pregnancies and dead/nonviable fetuses.
Kek. Moar atheist memes plz sir. Not a christian but that's hilarious.
Also, use almond extract in place of vanilla extract, problem solved. They are different but whatever.
If those retards didn't seethe over any genetically modified food products we could have vanilla that can be much more easily grown and gives 10 times more byproducts
cause its rare and there are no like human rights laws protecting the children in nicuragua or wherever the fuck they pick these from
Mexico and Madagascar.
It's extinct in Mexico after their government burned the farms.
>no laws protecting the children
that would make the price go up not down retard
It's an orchid and it takes three years for the plants to start producing flowers and the plants are a pain in the ass to grow. When they finally do bloom they have one flower per day and you have to hand pollinate it within 12 hours of opening, and it keeps doing that for only about 20 days.
When the beans are finally grown they all ripen when they feel like it and not all at once. Picking them can give you contact dermatitis. They have an elaborate curing process after that and it takes six months.
Sure but SEVEN DOLLARS for ONE pod? It's highway robbery
Big Vanilla is a cartel, just like the Truffle Mafia.
buy vanilla extract u fucking retard
It's still expensive as fuck
No I will not buy the vanilla ~~*extract*~~
Why not start your own vanilla plantation if you think it's such an easy and lucrative crop?
i did
do you see the thickness on that vine? i don't even sell the beans anymore i just sell 1' foot cuttings
So then build a factory to automate that shit and produce the perfect growing conditions, we have the technology.
Yeah with ai this should have been solved and scaled up by now. Wtf are the elites doing
the perfect condition is the plants being in the wild
Vanilla doesn't give a fuck what you want. It grows and ripens when it feels like it.
Don't forget they can only be grown like 5 miles from the equator.
How the fuck did a life form with such autistic conditions for procreation manage to survive without going extinct?
when vanilla is so tasty bitches went to great length to keep it going
There's a stingless bee that pollinates them but only in Mexico and the bees are lazy little shits that pollinate like one out of a hundred flowers.
lazy beeners
underrated
That still doesn't answer the question of how this shit avoided extinction until human intervention happened.
LIGHTWEIGHT BABY
most likely people turned it into a finnicky bitch because the seedpods are naturally too small
>even their bees are lazy
Through God.
When you really think about how many intricate processes exist like this in nature the entire concept of evolution becomes exposed for the hilarious joke it is
>plants are complicated so a magic man in the sky must have made them
You think your god isn't so complex he should need a creator too?
'if god good why bad thing happen' tier
Because Yaldabaoth is a malevolent deity.
Reading anything by the atheist is so unbelievably embarrassing
>gets btfo
>starts crying
Subhuman
when environments are stable for very long periods of time it becomes possible to adapt to more and more specific niches. and species adapt to each other and become co-dependent. long term stability allows all this weird shit to happen.
but a disruption to the status quo can wipe this type of stuff out pretty quick
99% of you dont even know what real vanilla tastes like. That shit you buy at the store is a petroleum product (srs)
Sorry Big Vanilla but beaver asshole just tastes as good for a fraction of the cost.
how do they extract the anal gland juice? are they killing beavers for their lucrative anal glands? do they have beavers strapped into beaver racks where they use some sort of anal apparatus to milk their anal gland? is it someone's job to anally penetrate a beaver to extract delicious vanilla flavor? tell me how it works.
There are little beaver massage parlors where they get happy endings.
you take a bucket of beavers dump them in a wine press and the juice that comes out is pure concentrated vanilla extract
beavers aren't so cute when the fur comes off but their precious anal gland excretions are necessary for their medicinal properties
>milk of most of their blood
>release back into the wild
>act surprised when fewer and fewer come back
Of course they drain them to an inch of their life because capitalism demands nothing less.
As opposed to communism where Karl Marx defined sensible boundaries for milking crustacean blood.
Fucking moron you probably weren't even cum on 9/11.
Are those beavers okay?
they're getting their anal glands drained so yea i'd say they're more then ok they're having the time of their lives
you smell of human feces
>a petroleum product
nope
Yes it is true. I saw a youtube video that explained it.
If you think that's expensive, think again
>saffron posters
>in the year of our lord 2024
My word
its because of the greedy bastars in big Beaver castoreum
vanilla plantations in madagascar have armed dudes with shotguns patrol the plantations to prevent thieves and vanilla poachers
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/features/vanilla-farming-crime-madagascar-trade-a8520396.html
China will fix this. Ramping up production
i assume china will flood the market with bootleg vanilla
What happened in 2013?
Flood
Bidenomics
>vanilla extract is made with alcohol that is federally mandated to be at least 35% alcohol content
Give it to me straight bros, are vanilla shots worth it?
alcoholic here, i've reached into my homemade vanilla extract to get one last shot in before i pass out
of course it's not 'worth' it because of how monstrously expensive it is but also it kind of isn't all that tasty or interesting. yeah you get the vanilla aroma but it doesn't pair that well with the harshness of vodka. i feel like vanilla only really works well in a custard.
it might also be decent if there are some cocktails that incorporate sweetness. maybe like an old fashioned but with vodka
BECAUSE THE POLLINATOR LIVES IN MEXICO! YOU HAVE TO HAND POLLINATE IF ITS GROWN ANY WERE ELSE!
you say that as if cheap labor was hard to find in the world
Just buy a beaver
Greed.
>retards think vanilla comes from a plant
dumbasses everyone knows vanilla comes from fresh squeezed beaver
based beavers
i wish i could taste vanilla from eating ass
just grow it yourself
Retard. Remember what the Truffle mafia did to people trying to grow themselves.
>I can't make sense out of things so G.O.D.
Check mate, atheists.
whats the difference, you atheist cucks say shit like ''i cant make sense of cancer so atheism'' all the time
Cancer fits into religious belief perfectly well because the Abrahamic God is willing to do all sorts of horrible things to people, like killing Job's family and giving him diseases, smiting Sodom and Gomorrah, the Flood, and so on.
The problem atheists have is when religious people try to inflict their terrible ideas on other people, including their kids. Like refusing a blood transfusion that would save their own child. Or refusing to take them to a doctor in the first place. Or when they pass laws preventing doctors from treating pregnancy issues like ectopic pregnancies and dead/nonviable fetuses.
GAMES TIME!
You worship a israelite on a stick.
Kek. Moar atheist memes plz sir. Not a christian but that's hilarious.
Also, use almond extract in place of vanilla extract, problem solved. They are different but whatever.
>cheap and basically the same
thank you science
>basically the same
absolutely not
In anything that is cooked/baked it is. The V in VOCs of real vanilla pods/paste/extract doesn't stand for Very Stable.
stick to grossly processed molasses adjacent syrup
If those retards didn't seethe over any genetically modified food products we could have vanilla that can be much more easily grown and gives 10 times more byproducts
If you cant afford $10, something's wrong