Not much.
I've had my own house for going on three years but my wife (Mexican heritage) handles the majority of the cooking, and is a picky eater, so anything I serve up she doesn't eat. As a result she cooks or I buy takeout.
When left to my own devices I usually just take canned meat (tuna/spam/salmon) to a pan and frick around with it. I can also do eggs/bacon/sausage.
The most "advanced" thing I can probably make is a sub using nothing but Boar's Head meats & cheeses/condiments/lettuce/onion.
Pick related is what I ate 99% of the time prior to getting married and often since.
take out a hard boiled egg from the fridge, bought prepackaged from the store of course
grab some sliced cheese from the deli
smash them together in my mouth
wa la
now if youll excuse me i need to go sleep for 16 hours
I have a bag of muffins in the freezer. Some homemade bread, too. I could pull one of those out but there's not enough time to toast the bread or heat up the muffin.
start pacing the kitchen and muttering to myself and looking over my should every few seconds as if I just saw something cringeworthy in a film or tv show
smoke a marlboro red in 30 seconds
stare blindly into the highway traffic the entire time
walk back in and move in a trance for 4 hours
repeat 2 or 3 times and i know you can cook better than my grandma
smile confidently.
A bump of coke
Open my spice cabinet.
Checkmate cooklets.
> Pre-ground spices,
Anon, I....
If those spinny things are called lazy susans, what does an active susan look like?
Hold a knife
Add a Knorr stockpot
i lold
Not much.
I've had my own house for going on three years but my wife (Mexican heritage) handles the majority of the cooking, and is a picky eater, so anything I serve up she doesn't eat. As a result she cooks or I buy takeout.
When left to my own devices I usually just take canned meat (tuna/spam/salmon) to a pan and frick around with it. I can also do eggs/bacon/sausage.
The most "advanced" thing I can probably make is a sub using nothing but Boar's Head meats & cheeses/condiments/lettuce/onion.
Pick related is what I ate 99% of the time prior to getting married and often since.
>allowing your wife to bully you out of your own kitchen
why are you such a cuck?
10 course dinner with wine pairings instantly
I show you my burned, scarred hands
this.
Get closer, smell my fingers bae... 😉
This. Got some nice rack/sheet pan burn scars.
Get drunk
Mainline a Knor Stockpot
Wa la!
according to experts, i need to make runny scrambled eggs on toast with a garnish
Throw a pan from across the kitchen into the dishpit.
nothing. it's my choice, really
Based on my experience of watching Jamie Oliver's 15 Minute Meals, I would turn on the oven to pre-heat it and put a kettle of water on to boil.
Cook some well seasoned and flavored mashed potatoes using fresh herbs, side of two veggies again fresh herbs and spices, and a medium rare steak.
Why did I kek so hard at this lmao
Panic and start randomly naming kitchen utensils and meals I know how to make by heart.
take out a hard boiled egg from the fridge, bought prepackaged from the store of course
grab some sliced cheese from the deli
smash them together in my mouth
wa la
now if youll excuse me i need to go sleep for 16 hours
try to name a dish without mentioning jackie chan and fail miserably
Say "There is no possible way I can cook a proper meal in 5 seconds."
Throw some shit on my gyroscope
FINALLY
CHICKEN GYRO
the heat of the grill cooks the chicken
Snort a stock cube
Pull my little sisters dress and underwear down and gaze at her hairless holes.
Steak tar tar.
I can make a decent recipe and understand how it could be improved to God tier levels
All you need to know is how to use a frying pan and boil water
Just show my previous work.
sup with the piss jugs?
From the top:
Cold extract vanilla
Rendered duck fat
Apple butter
And 11 gallons of apple cider
It's okay. I like the pumpkin bread.
WTF is the piss jugs?
Asked and answered
You should get punched in the face for "pumpkin bread".
P I S S J U G S
I
S
S
J
U
G
S
Take off my pants
"6 minutes in boiling water for runny yolk"
I'd whip up a batch of my lowertheageofconsent muffins. Delicious.
I have a bag of muffins in the freezer. Some homemade bread, too. I could pull one of those out but there's not enough time to toast the bread or heat up the muffin.
Grab a clove of garlic and make about 20 thin slices out of it.
Freeze in anxiety and forget how to function
I grab some salt and sprinkle it in the most awkward way possible getting all over the place. he will be impressed
Add a Knorr stockpot, to the trash can.
Lick the tips of my fingers before I start
>my dear mother used to be italian
Done
>used to be
Huh?
Yeah she started out Italian but now she's turned gay
i can make 32 macarons in less than 5 seconds.
say "i can cook"
start pacing the kitchen and muttering to myself and looking over my should every few seconds as if I just saw something cringeworthy in a film or tv show
Tell whoever asked to frick off or suck my dick and balls
>What do you do?
Put some tendies in the air fryer of course
"An old English fella taught me how to cook"
smoke a marlboro red in 30 seconds
stare blindly into the highway traffic the entire time
walk back in and move in a trance for 4 hours
repeat 2 or 3 times and i know you can cook better than my grandma
Mah homie.
Make myself vomit everywhere so you can taste the last homecooked meal I made myself.
Calmly but firmly state that I ain't no b***h