"You seem like a smart cookie anon, and you are very passionate about food."

"You seem like a smart cookie anon, and you are very passionate about food."

"Tell you what, I'll buy you a restaurant, but you need to come up with a unique premise, an enticing menu, and the restaurant needs to be viable to survive in this economy."

What do you do Culinaly?

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  1. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    fine dining establishment where all the service staff are dressed like Tom of Finland characters. not a gay bar, mind you. there will be no dance floor or loud music. there will be a strict formal dress code for patrons. all the waiters will speak with the utmost respect and civility, nothing sexual going on. just the outfits. yes they will all be buff guys with handlebar mustaches.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Funded.

  2. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    >Oh, thanks, but I'm sorry I thought I told you already, I've got some seed money and longer-term investors backing a play with me and the Chef Ronsseau team out of Montreal
    This'll make him seethe for a few days because he couldn't just pay to own me and my ideas. That'll agitate him to make a deal a bit more favorable for me than he would do.
    Regardless I'll retain naming rights to the place so if it's a success I can spin off a merchandising front.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Ok well uh good luck with that anon. I guess we aren't doing business.

      Basement space in a trendy area. Taphouse. Dwarf restaurant. Roasts, mushrooms, root vegetables, beer. Beards. Food menu smaller than the beer list.

      I like your creativity but it seems a little too niche. Maybe we could do this in New Zealand to get the LOTR nerds.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        >No worries, sorry about the mix up. When we break ground next quarter I'll make sure you get invited to the soft opening.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Oh I will be far too busy for it. But I am sure your restaurant will be a success. Now it's time for me to move on to the next deal.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            >Okay, cool. I just know Chef Ronsseau wanted to meet the man behind the uhh, hmm, this is embarrassing for me
            >What was your first business again?

            • 2 weeks ago
              Anonymous

              >...anon thought to himself, as the businessman walked away talking on his phone, seemingly having already forgotten anyone's existence

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >*anon shrugs to himself as the businessman fakes a phone call and 360 walks away*
                >anon smiles at the reminder of the fully forgiven PPP loan he acquired

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >the businessman catches anon autistically smiling to himself while watching the businessman enter his limo
                >the businessman casually mentions to his head of security to make sure anon is banned from all premises and to keep an eye out for him when he inevitably approaches again hoping that the original offer is still possible

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >anon had already gone back of house long before the businessman's gangly legs got him to the curb
                >the businessman is already on the "a" in the Sarah curve, in his schizoid misunderstanding of human emotion he witnesses his own reflection in the glass panes
                >his forced, grim toothy grin; in it he imagines the chef. No, the /cook/ gleaming back at him
                >How dare he, the businessman thinks to himself, how dare he mock me
                >He sputters out a hypomanic order
                >"B-ban that man, from my uh, from my very well-off business premises"
                >his mom, who is driving him around the city so he can roleplay in dad's last suit smiles gingerly at her boy
                >"Of course, dear. No way is he allowed anywhere near you again. Now buckle up, sweetie."

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >anon wakes up from his dream
                >oh god what I have I done with my life?
                >he scurries to the shower and prepares to get to his cooking job
                >he realizes his McDonalds uniform is dirty and he will be scolded by his 16-year old boss for it
                >a single tear begins to form but he wipes it off and moves quickly as he cannot be late and lose his fast-food job

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous

                >the schizoid child with daddy issues and autism roleplay-masking a businessman wakes up from an even deeper dream
                >oh thank god, mommy never took me out yesterday
                >I didn't embarrass myself in front of that guy who makes me chickin tendies even though they aren't on the menu
                >he looks over at his closet, and in a fresh dryclean bag is the suit
                >the same suit he wore in the dream
                >oh my god
                >the dream was real

                Then I dunno, he wakes up again and realizes he was actually the chef the whole time and the childhood autism businessman roleplay was actually his soft-headed memories of cope after his father left his mother. He thought if he put on a suit and ordered people around with money (like his own dad did) that he could be the man his mother needed.
                And she liked the time they spent together so she put up with it, apologized to strangers her well-meaning son would raise his voice at.
                She'd clean up the monopoly money he threw around.

                And in the truest nature of a mother's love he never had to worry about where the money was coming from or where it was going.
                She'd stuff it back into the pockets of his too-big-for-him suit.

                Anyway you're welcome.

              • 2 weeks ago
                Anonymous
      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Why not a whole LOTR theme restaurant? You could hire midget waiters and dress them up like hobbits.
        Menu:
        Frodo Fries
        Bilbo Burgers
        Samwise Shakes
        The Rings of Power (onion rings)
        Sting (hot sauce)
        Nazgul Nuggets
        So much potential here

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          Goddammit anon that is genius!

          I've got my best people pulling permits and preparing the site, we are in business!

  3. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Basement space in a trendy area. Taphouse. Dwarf restaurant. Roasts, mushrooms, root vegetables, beer. Beards. Food menu smaller than the beer list.

  4. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    "I thank you for your offer, however I only consider myself an average home cook, maybe a bit above average, but not by much. I lack the knowlege and experince to transition my currunt culinary and business skill set into the commercial kitchen and restruant management, and to make informed buisness decisions such as hiring competently, managing costs of ingedients, and managing a menu."

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      I admire your honesty and humility anon.
      For such a breathe of fresh air I am willing to pay for you to go to culinary school, with the option to reconsider the offer again in the future.

  5. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Fast food but the menu is all western breakfast stuff, all day. Looking at something around Hardee's level of quality, offering convenient versions of traditional entrées. Keep the aesthetic friendly but clean, rather like Dunkin.

    Yes I realize it's aiming lower than others but it seems like a chain filling a niche would do better financially than a wacky hole-in-the-wall.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      Well I was kind of hoping for something a little more exciting but you technically met the criteria.

      You are funded.

      • 2 weeks ago
        Anonymous

        Eh. It's my failing I suppose. Focus on something with potential longevity, create something solid, then decorate it once you have a decent structure in place. I've watched a lot of wacky, exciting things go under because they were built on proverbial sand, and it's mighty unkind to waste an investor's money.

        • 2 weeks ago
          Anonymous

          I will of course want a wild wacky cowboy mascot to represent the brand.

          • 2 weeks ago
            Anonymous

            How's Judge Holden sound for ya

  6. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    A food truck serving potato wedges, both regular and loaded. The loaded wedges would have vegetarian and meat based topping options, rotating on a weekly basis. Various sauce options, both bottled and made in house. Call it the Wedges of Sin, ideally set up in farmer's markets or other street events in the week and college town bar parking lots on weekends and maybe some week evenings.

  7. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Slugburgers
    The mascot is a slug
    They serve slugburgers

  8. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Sue him for calling me a cookie.

  9. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    I'd open up a vegan restaurant. I'd think outside the box from all the usual shit that gets put on those kind of menus. The patrons will love it, the novel dishes. Little do they know that I've cooked it all in animal fat.

  10. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    Fleet of Food Trucks called "11dies" that specialize in tendies and various sweet and savoury milkshake dips

  11. 2 weeks ago
    Anonymous

    A place that serves various historic meals, with a bias towards ones that taste good. Slap some history about the meal on the menu. Autists like it for history, normalBlack folk like it for social media clout. Then go partner with the homosexual from tasting history, townsends and whoever else and start franchising it so we can exit before the house of cards collapses.

    Probably you'll want a core menu of crowd pleasers and then some rotating specials and theme it to the month too. And if you really want to market it make sure there's a few 'classic european' dishes that seem bland so you get outrage marketing from the right and don' season dey foo from the left marketing too.

    • 2 weeks ago
      Anonymous

      https://i.imgur.com/XipG5zJ.jpeg

      "You seem like a smart cookie anon, and you are very passionate about food."

      "Tell you what, I'll buy you a restaurant, but you need to come up with a unique premise, an enticing menu, and the restaurant needs to be viable to survive in this economy."

      What do you do Culinaly?

      Actually better yet have the core menu and for each month announce a theme for a bunch of extra dishes that disappears at the end of the month. Play on people's FOMO. And if ~Byzantine month proves super popular you can announce a one-time only revival month 5 years down the line. Also you can take advantage of seasonal prices for produce this way by timing things well.

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