Why can't I buy pumpernickel anywhere? Is it because it take like 24 hrs to make and would cost a testicle?

Why can't I buy pumpernickel anywhere?
Is it because it take like 24 hrs to make and would cost a testicle?

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  1. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Why not just make your own?

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      because it take like 24 hrs to make and would cost a testicle

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Does that mean you can only eat pumpernickel twice in your life?

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          No, you just have to acquire additional testicles

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            >not just taking other people's testicles

            its not like the pumpernickel man would know the diff

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            stop thinking about testicles

            • 2 years ago
              Anonymous

              He's probably Russian. All day they're just thinking about wieners and balls and sucking dick

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      People are too lazy to do that, even though it's easy. Instead they waste time coming here to complain.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        That's not Pumpernickel tho

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          What is it then?

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        That's just dark bread, not pumpernickel.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          It's made with pumpernickel flour. How is it not pumpernickel?

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Pumpernickel needs to be at least 90% coarsely ground rye(Backschrot). It needs to be baked at low temperature for at least 16 hours in forms.
            See the coarse grains in the pic? See how it's shaped? See how dense it is? Without any of those it's not pumpernickel.

            • 2 years ago
              Anonymous

              I would have to agree with you. The picture I posted is actually of blackbread made with whole grain rye. It's close to pumpernickel, but not exactly the same.

  2. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    never heard of it but i like the word
    feels nice to say

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      German Prepper bread. Pumpern in some obscure dialects means farting. Probably a reference to the enormous fiber content.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Man I swear I've had this from a can but I have no idea how or why I would have
        t. american lad

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          It lasts for months. I have pumpernickel as a reserve at home all the time too.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          maybe you've had this? easy enough to find in new england

          • 2 years ago
            Anonymous

            Yeah that's it. Guess it's not the same then

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        >Prepper bread
        I mean it keeps well, but reducing it down to that one fact is kind of fricked. It tastes amazing and is a great bread, even if you don't plan on keeping it.

  3. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Tell me, why does the pumpernickel man demand the testicles?

    • 2 years ago
      RedditIsMyPashun

      Delete this before he sees it

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        If he removes my testicles, will I die?

        • 2 years ago
          RedditIsMyPashun

          It would be very painful

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          No, but you will get a higher pitched voice.

  4. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Can I get s pumperbickle recipe or what? I think it costs something like a left nut to acquire the ingredients. Uwu

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      I think it's basically just rye grist, whole grains and water. Can't be that expensive.

  5. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    I can get it for like 1€ in every supermarket.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      weird roleplay

  6. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    i noticed proper dark rye is rarer in grocery stores than it used to be also. the savages only want white and honey wheat. =(

  7. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >pumping nickel

  8. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >Why can't I buy pumpernickel anywhere?
    Probably because there isn't a big market or demand for it where you live.
    >Is it because it take like 24 hrs to make and would cost a testicle?
    I doubt it, in germany you can get it for cheap everywhere and while economy of scale probably pays some part in that I doubt it's that big of a part. If you live in america make sure it's good one, not molasses/caramel colored bullshit.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      >not molasses/caramel colored bullshit.
      It's not as if golden syrup wouldn't be a common ingredient in Germany too.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        In supermarket pumpernickel, sure. If your bakery is good, then no.
        I'd also add that personally I think pumpernickel really is best when made with the coarse grains inside and coarse rye meal, but I am from somewhere close to westphalia, so I am obviously biased.
        I've had pumpernickel in a few other countries, some were great, some where shit. Some looked decent, some looked like a dark sponge cake.
        Can colored pumpernickel be good? Absolutely. But your chances of it being good go up a lot if it's not artificially covered.

        • 2 years ago
          Anonymous

          In the end it's all preference. The syrup also adds flavour not just colour.

          It's made with pumpernickel flour. How is it not pumpernickel?

          Pumpernickel is just the technique not the flour. Not every dark bread is pumpernickel.

  9. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    >Why can't I buy pumpernickel anywhere?
    I'll see the long wienertail sized loaves sold in the Deli area at Publix close to the holidays, so a seasonal item only. They have rye and pumpernickel both.
    The deli itself will make the large boule only by advance order. I will get them made for pickup when I want to make a big batch of spinach dip, tearing up the hallowed out bread from the center for dippers. They need a day's notice to get that for you.
    On the regular bread aisle, I love to buy the rye-pump or pumpernickel breads from one of those brands there just for the fact it's double wrapped and has a long shelf life that goes into a 2nd week, and good to go for later in the week when I am overdue on shopping or know I'll be gone for the weekend.
    I love having pumpernickel toast when doing corned beef hash for breakfast.

  10. 2 years ago
    Anonymous

    Here in Germany, even smaller supermarkets offer 5 to 10 different types of Pumpernickel. With/without sunflower seeds, with grains, with oats, linseeds, dense, loose, etc. I feel really bad for other c**ts that dont have these varieties.

    • 2 years ago
      Anonymous

      Not every schwarzbrot is pumpernickel.

      • 2 years ago
        Anonymous

        Yes, but most people here don't know that, so I picked it as a generic name class designation.

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